Good manners don’t disappear; they change, and some behaviors older generations were specifically taught to consider courteous can land very differently with Gen Z.
No really does mean no
Past generations were raised to believe that good hospitality meant offering someone more food. You offered dessert when they finished dinner. You offered another serving if they declined. Insistence was meant to show generosity: “Please, help yourself!”
To Gen Z, politeness may mean taking no for the first time. They may be full up, have dietary restrictions, or just not feel like explaining why they aren’t eating. Pushing someone after a courteous decline is no longer hospitality; it’s coercion.
A little too familiar
Terms like “honey,” “sweetheart,” “dear,” or “young lady” were often meant as kindness, not disrespect. Many older adults continue to use these phrases instinctively, especially if they grew up where such endearments are normal. However, they don’t always register the same way with younger adults.
Used by a stranger, coworker, or older teammate, a pet name can sound condescending, flirtatious, or just too familiar. Context is everything, of course. Gen Z hasn’t banned the use of the word “honey” outright.
The unexpected knock
Showing up at someone’s house unannounced used to be commonplace for Boomers and many Gen Xers. Friends popped by, family came over for coffee, and no one necessarily needed to make an appointment. But for many Gen Z adults, a spontaneous knock at the door can feel more like an invasion of privacy than a welcome interruption.
Sending a quick “Are you home?” text allows the other person time to prepare an answer, get dressed, clean up, or even decline because they’re busy.
Advice nobody ordered
Giving advice is pretty much a love language for many parents and grandparents. Someone says they’re having trouble at work, you tell them what to do. Kid sister is dating the wrong guy, spending her money on stupid things, making a career decision you don’t understand? Speak up. It’s your job to care.
Gen Z, on the other hand, cares more about whether or not you asked before you dumped that advice on them. Sometimes someone telling you about their bad day doesn’t want a solution; they just want to vent. “Do you want advice or do you just need to vent?” sounds weird to older generations, but to lots of Millennials and Gen Zers, that question shows respect.
Everyone didn’t need to know
Older people might introduce someone with a useful tidbit of personal information to break the ice: “Meet my nephew; he just lost his job.” “Here’s Susan; she just got divorced.” There’s likely no malicious intent behind it. It gives people something to talk about.
Gen Z might just be cringing at the thought of sharing such personal information with a roomful of strangers. The newer school of etiquette values allowing individuals to choose which information about themselves they share, and when they choose to share it.
Concern that sounds different
“You look tired” can be a sincere offer of concern. Maybe an older relative is saying it because they’re concerned that you’re working too hard and they want to ask if you’re okay. The recipient of this phrase, however, may hear: “You look awful.”
Gen Z is more inclined to bypass calling attention to someone’s appearance when offering concern and simply ask: “How are you doing?” or “You’ve had a busy week. Want to make sure you’re okay.” The intent remains largely the same.
The call that came from nowhere
Growing up, Boomers and Gen Xers made phone calls because that’s how you spoke to someone. Sometimes, a phone call was even more personal than leaving a brief written note. Many Gen Z adults have formed their own etiquette: always text first unless it’s urgent.
A call comes out of nowhere and requires your attention immediately, with no context of what will be discussed. Texting, “Do you have a minute?” gives them time to wrap up their activity and be “present” for the conversation.
More than a job title
“What do you do?” has been one of the safest forms of small-talk questions asked for generations. It’s typically asked as innocuous small talk, wanting nothing more than a simple way to know about someone they’ve just met. However, some young adults find it off-putting that someone else’s occupation is the first thing strangers wish to know about them.
Your work can be temporary, unsatisfying, or just not how you identify yourself. Asking about hobbies, interests, where they grew up, or what they’ve been reading lately can lead to a whole new type of conversation.
Not everyone wants one
Traditionally, hugs, kisses on the cheek, and handshakes were seen as reflexive displays of affection and good manners. Someone refusing your offered handshake could even be seen as rude or aggressive. Gen Z is savvier about boundaries and less likely to think that being polite requires physical touch. They might not like hugs because they hate germs or just value more personal space, and younger generations are more accepting of that without explanation.
The polite response may not always be going for the hug or the handshake. The polite response could be seeing what the other person appears comfortable with and not making them feel guilty for settling with a wave.
Let them do their job
Talking to cashiers, baristas, and other service workers used to be seen as a nice way to recognize them as a person rather than a robot. Gen Z hasn’t tossed friendly conversation aside, but many young people see a clearer distinction between being kind and requiring a worker to entertain them.
Saying hello or genuinely chatting is one thing; forcing a conversation while others are waiting in line (or expecting an employee to smile and engage with you because “I’m just being friendly”) can come off as rude.
Sometimes being polite is actually the easiest option: say hi, make the transaction easy, say thank you, and realize the person serving you doesn’t owe you small talk.
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Boomers say it’s basic manners but Gen Z refuses to do these 10 things
Boomers and Gen Z think differently about so many things, and basic manners are one of those things.
Boomers say it’s basic manners but Gen Z refuses to do these 10 things
