You will never find your forever person unless you realize forever is built on fundamentals, not grand moments.
Growing compatibility
Finding your ideal partner isn’t something that just happens by accident. That fairy tale stuff just doesn’t exist. Two people become more compatible over time through trial and error.
Don’t be surprised if you and your significant other disagree over silly things at first. You have different schedules, habits, standards. It’s messy as hell. But after years of dating, you find middle ground. You compromise here and there. Little by little everything begins to click.
When you understand this, you realize relationships are less about luck and more about growth.
Personal wholeness
Seeking a soulmate because you’re lonely by yourself will never work.
Everyone likes having someone around but you have to be happy with yourself too. Otherwise, it might seem like your partner is constantly tasked with your happiness.
They’re here to build a life with you, not become your life. Expecting that from a partner can turn spending time together into a chore.
And believe me, that sort of pressure sends people running for the hills.
Changing desire
It’s perfectly natural to go through times when your s** drive dips; it doesn’t signal a fading of your feelings.
Stress, hormonal shifts, or even the simple annoyance of always waking up on their side of the bed can contribute to why you might not feel into your partner.
Panicking whenever you and your partner aren’t feeling s**y” will likely doom your relationship to a short lifespan. True, lasting love means sticking with your partner even when the initial fire dies down.
Everyday love
Lasting relationships are built on more than just romantic gestures and intimacy. You will spend a large portion of your lives talking about bills, who took the trash out, and what brand of toilet paper to buy.
If you’re addicted to the fireworks of new relationships and late night vulnerability, living with someone will feel torturous.
The couples who last are the ones who find ordinary ways to enjoy each other’s presence.
Normal temptation
One strange illusion some people believe about committing to a partner is that they will stop finding other people attractive. I promise you this is a lie.
You will walk past good-looking people on the street and think, “damn.” You will meet people in your career or at the gym and wonder, “what if.”
However, seeing attractive people doesn’t automatically mean you’re compelled to act on such thoughts. Part of committing to someone is realizing you will have the thoughts and learning to let them go, so you can continue loving your partner.
Letting go
Sooner or later, your partner will do or say something that truly wounds you, and simply saying “I forgive you” is just the first step in the healing.
Forgiving your partner means you choose every day not to bring up that issue in the future when you fight about something else.
You decide not to let that one disappointment become a weapon for years.
Learn how to forgive, or your past hurts will sink your ship.
Strategic silence
It’s true, we’re constantly hearing we should “talk things out,” but honestly, sometimes the smartest move with a small annoyance from your partner is just to let it slide.
Constantly dissecting every mood swing or sudden reaction will doom the relationship, transforming your partner into an exhausting chore you’ll want to escape.
Understanding which situations require a discussion and which ones simply require your partner to have a crappy day alone is an advanced relationship technique.
Imperfect understanding
Even with the deepest connection, your partner won’t be able to pinpoint your exact thoughts or feelings at every moment.
There will always be pieces of you that are private and largely misunderstood because they are yours, and you come from two individually wired brains.
If you need to be totally understood in order to feel loved, you will feel unsatisfied and disappointed forever.
Once you accept that being an 80% match with your partner is a freaking miracle, you can love them for who they are.
Right timing
Even if you meet your soulmate, if either one of you isn’t ready, or lives across the country, it won’t work out no matter how much you love each other.
Coming to terms with the fact that some connections aren’t destined to be lifelong due to bad timing is painful yet crucial for finding your lasting partner.
Stop yearning for the one that got away and appreciate the one who is standing right in front of you and actually available. That’s your right person.
Old wounds
When you get serious with someone, you are not only getting along with who they are now. You are also getting along with all of the baggage that they have accumulated their whole life, specifically from their family.
Many of these issues run generations deep. You can find them embedded in how they deal with petty arguments, or how they react to certain situations, or even how they avoid certain topics altogether.
If not addressed, these issues will never disappear. They will continually rise to the surface and slowly destroy the relationship.
If you plan on having a future with someone, you want them to at least try to work on their demons instead of avoiding them.
Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.
