Some of the worst throwaway comments are the ones that seem to hit a guy right where it hurts, even though he might pretend like it doesn’t bother him at all.
The body joke that sounds harmless
A guy’s shirt fits a little differently after he stops going to the gym for a while. Then comes the comment. He hears, ‘You’ve got a bit of a dad bod now,’ and it’s meant to sound like something affectionate or funny. It’s not.
Think about it this way, you’re making a comment on a guy’s appearance. He hasn’t asked you to share your opinion on how he looks, and no matter how much he shrugs it off, he’s probably thinking about it later on.
When stress gets dismissed
You’re curious, and you ask a guy, ‘What do you even have to be stressed about?’ That’s not how he hears it. He’s figured out that he’s stopped talking about what’s bothering him, and now he has to defend his fears.
It’s especially difficult for men who already feel they’re under pressure to keep problems to themselves and to simply get on with things. You know, the standard way guys are meant to be. A guy hears this question, and then he probably wishes that he never mentioned the problem.
Two words that go deep
The sentence ‘You’re weak’ leaves a guy with very little room to move. It’s not a criticism of a single bad decision or an awkward moment. No, it goes straight to the attack on his character, and plenty of men grow up hearing different versions of the same rule.
They’re told to take it and handle it. They’re told not to complain, and not to fall apart. That’s why, when they’re called weak, it feels like they’ve failed a test they’ve been taking since childhood. It doesn’t matter whether it’s physically weak or emotionally weak. He’s failed.
The paycheck comparison
Telling a guy, ‘You should be earning more by now’ means that money stops being simply money. Now his age is part of it, and so is his career progress, as well as his status and independence. There’s also the old expectation that a successful man’s meant to be financially secure.
A guy might be perfectly happy with his job, but when he hears this sentence, it feels as though he’s behind. His salary is now a scoreboard. Turns out, someone else has decided what the score ought to be by now, and it’s not the guy deciding that.
The toolbox test
You’d be surprised at how small household jobs can turn into a test of a guy’s masculinity. There might be a leaking faucet, for example, and someone says, ‘A man should be able to fix that.’ That hurts. It makes it seem as though the guy has fallen behind because he doesn’t know.
Because, apparently, things like plumbing, power tools, wiring, and shelves are all skills that are meant to come automatically when you’re a guy. They don’t, of course. People learn them, and guys are not different. But now they’re embarrassed to admit they don’t know, and that’s not fair.
More than a flat tire
Here’s a similar one. The question, ‘What kind of man can’t change a tire?’ is pretty loaded, and equally as hurtful. Not because a guy doesn’t know what to do; lots of people don’t. The painful part is having an ordinary knowledge gap become evidence about what kind of man you are.
You have nowhere graceful to go from there. Ask for help, sure, but then the joke continues. If you pretend you know, well, things may get worse. You can’t even learn it later because people will tell you that you were late, so there’s really nothing that you can do or say.
Fear becomes a test
Telling a guy, ‘Don’t tell me you’re scared of that,’ makes a perfectly ordinary fear feel ridiculous in three seconds flat. The reality is, men often get much less room to admit they’re frightened, and when they do admit to being scared, they get teased for their lack of courage.
It’s really not fair because everyone gets afraid of things sometimes. Yet somehow, it’s disappointing that a man is scared, and that may cause him to start hiding his reaction. He becomes too afraid to talk about his fears.
Responsibility for someone else’s safety
It doesn’t feel good to hear, ‘You’re supposed to protect her,’ when something’s gone wrong. There might’ve been an argument or an accident, perhaps a genuinely frightening situation. What happened doesn’t matter.
What does matter is that the man has seemingly failed in his role as a man. It’s just not right. Guys shouldn’t be treated as the protector in every situation, simply because they’re men. Doing so only sets up expectations that they might fail to meet.
The joke about being controlled
A guy does something completely ordinary, like remembering his partner’s coffee order, and he hears that dreaded sentence. ‘She really has you trained.’ It’s a sentence that ignores the fact that he’s being considerate. It’s because he’s under command, apparently.
The person saying it might mean it as a joke. Fine. But it’s a line that turns a choice into obedience and makes caring about a partner sound like it’s something embarrassing.
When a laugh gets gendered
Let’s face it, most people aren’t controlling their laughs. They just sort of happen. That’s why it’s so painful when a guy hears someone say, ‘You sound like a girl when you laugh.’ It suggests that he’s not masculine enough for something he can’t control.
He might try his hardest to lower his voice or cut it short. But that’s still not right, and there shouldn’t be anything wrong with a guy who acts ‘too’ feminine.
The measurement nobody chose
Criticizing a guy is one thing. Criticizing him for something he absolutely can’t control is another, and that’s why the sentence ‘You’d look better if you were taller’ is so horrible. It provides zero useful options for a guy. He can’t start eating differently or change his haircut to get taller.
Even going to the gym isn’t going to help out because, well, adult height is basically the height you’ve got. But so many people tie a man’s attractiveness to his height. He might not admit it, but he’s probably insecure about it.
When friendship gets feminized
Most people say, ‘You’re basically one of the girls,’ to be nice. Yes, they’re telling a guy that he’s nice because he listens and he’s comfortable around women. He’s the person every girl trusts. That’s great. Except, it’s a sentence that says a lot about a man and his masculinity.
He’s somehow ‘not like other men’ because he’s a considerate person. He’s being judged harshly because he’s too feminine, even though he shouldn’t be. Put it this way, it’s a sentence that suggests there’s something wrong with him being a man.
The hairline update nobody requested
Breaking news, guys with receding hairlines are well aware that they have one. So, there’s really no point in telling them, ‘Wow, your hairline has really gone back.’ They absolutely know which corner started thinning first and which lighting makes it look worse.
Most guys suffering from hair loss feel as though they’re less attractive and also have lower body-image satisfaction. It’s especially bad for younger men. You’re not doing him a favor by pointing out his hairline, so really, don’t bother doing so.
Becoming the lesser option
‘She could do better than you’ is a line that leaves a lot of space for the imagination. Maybe she could do better with someone funnier or richer, perhaps someone more successful. The guy hearing it has no idea. He has to fill the gap himself and work out his ‘worst’ quality.
The relationship might’ve been perfectly fine before someone said this sentence. But now, there’s a question inside it that he just can’t escape. He’s left wondering whether or not he measures up, and that’s as painful as it sounds.
Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.
15 things women do that instantly break a man’s trust
Building trust can take years, but you can destroy a man’s feeling of security quickly by crossing these 15 boundaries.
