Everyone knows that marriage is a big deal – yet most people don’t think beyond the big wedding day. This is a time when two people decide to do life together, through thick & thin. How do you know if you’re really ready for it? Here are twelve things that can signal you’re not quite there yet. That doesn’t mean you definitely shouldn’t get married—but you might want to think it over.
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Dodging the Tough Conversation
Do you always change the subject when things get a bit too real? If talking about money, kids or even who’s doing the dishes makes you want to run for the hills, you’re not ready for marriage. Sure, these conversations are hard—but they’re part of sharing a life together. Marriage requires teamwork and sometimes, you’ve got to tackle the big stuff head-on.
Avoiding Money Matters
Anyone who’s still figuring out how to manage their own finances or is relying too much on others for financial support should probably avoid marriage for now. Being in a marriage involves dealing with money as a team. Not being comfortable handling your own cash will make things tricky.
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Seeking Constant Approval
It’s okay to want approval sometimes. But feeling the need for your partner to constantly tell you that you’re doing great is a red flag. Always looking for validation suggests that you need to work on your self-confidence before saying, “I do.” After all, how are you going to love someone else if you don’t love yourself?
Me, Myself, and I
Knowing what you want & how to take care of yourself is important—but always putting your own needs first without considering your partner is bad. Marriage involves give and take. Sometimes, you have to put the team before your own play and this involves genuinely listening & being there. You have to make your partner as happy as yourself!
Saying Sorry is Hard
Nobody’s perfect – admitting when you’re wrong is part of the deal. You need to own up to your mistakes and learn from them because it’s quite important in a healthy & happy marriage. Beyond just saying the words “I’m sorry,” you need to show you mean it through your actions. This can involve making changes so the mistake doesn’t happen again.
Fairy Tale Expectations
It’s easy to get caught up in the dream that marriage will be a 24/7 fairytale but real life isn’t like that. Marriage has its ups and downs. Being ready means knowing it’s not always going to be perfect—or interesting. You’ll have to deal with a lot of mundane moments, like doing the dishes or paying bills, along with all the love & laughter.
Lone Wolf
Not having a solid group of friends or family to lean on will make marriage harder than it needs to be. Sure, your partner should be your favorite person yet having other people to talk to is important, too. You need to have a strong support system outside of your marriage. This way, you can work through the rough patches.
Scared of Commitment
One of the clearest signs that you’re not ready is if the thought of being with one person forever makes you want to hyperventilate. Of course, it’s okay to be scared. But marriage shouldn’t feel like a prison sentence—when it does, you should explore those feelings more. Understanding these fears helps you overcome them or realize that maybe it’s not the right time to get hitched.
Can’t Be Alone
Similarly, anyone who feels uncomfortable about being alone is someone who needs some time to know themselves better. In a marriage, you’re not looking for someone to “complete” you but rather to complement your already whole self. It’s a time for two individuals to come together—not for two halves to make a whole.
Different Pages
When your goals and values are worlds apart, life together is going to be very difficult. Marriage is a partnership and you need to be on the same page about the big stuff. That doesn’t mean you need to agree on everything—rather, you have to be prepared to find common ground and make compromises.
Stress Mess
Any partnership that falls apart under pressure is doomed to fail. Dealing with stress together in a healthy way makes a successful marriage and it involves being each other’s rock when the going gets tough. It doesn’t matter if it’s financial troubles or work stress—you need to tackle it together without turning on each other.
Ignoring the Flaws
They say love is blind—but it’s not a great start if you’re completely ignoring your partner’s flaws or brushing off big issues. Being ready for marriage means accepting the good, the bad & the ugly. You have to love your partner for who they truly are–-warts and all. You can’t marry an idealized version of them.
Disclaimer: This list is solely the author’s opinion based on research and publicly available information.
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