Moving in with your partner is a huge step. But before you start packing boxes, you need to have some rather important conversations. These will make your life together a whole lot easier. Here are twelve questions to ask your partner to build a strong foundation for your future home together.
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How should we split our living expenses?
While talking about money isn’t fun, you have to do it. You need to know if you’re both thinking fifty-fifty or if someone’s covering the groceries while the other takes care of the rent. Either way, talking about finances before you move in will help you avoid that awkward moment when the bills come and you’re both surprised.
What’s your typical workday like, and how do you unwind afterward?
Knowing each other’s work routines & time to chill can save you from disappointment when you realize your partner needs an hour of quiet time after work. You need to sync your clocks so that nobody’s left feeling out of the loop. Better yet, understanding if your partner is a night owl while you’re an early bird can help plan those precious moments together.
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How do you feel about having friends and family over?
Are you imagining a house that’s always filled with people or do you see your place as a quiet retreat? Getting your ideas straight will make the difference between a happy home and a tense living situation. Asking this question also gives you the chance to discuss how you’ll handle extended family visits.
How are you with cleaning?
Living with someone who has a completely different approach to cleaning can be difficult. For example, maybe you can’t stand dishes in the sink but they’re more laid back about tidiness. Either way, finding a middle ground now will save you from a lot of frustration later. It might even be worth creating a cleaning schedule or even chipping in for a cleaning service.
Are you good with conflict resolution?
Disagreements are part of life and especially when you’re sharing your space. Do you talk it out right away or do you need time to cool off? You need to understand how you both deal with conflict so that you can make those inevitable bumps in the road a little easier. You can also agree on some ground rules for arguments, like not going to bed angry.
How much personal space do you need?
Even the closest couples need a little me-time, whether that’s a corner of the living room or a whole room to yourself. Knowing how you’ll give each other space helps you keep the peace and maintain a healthy relationship. It’s also a moment to think about your routines—maybe you need a quiet morning to yourself & your partner wants a solo workout session.
How do you feel about pets?
While pets can make any home happier, they also come with responsibilities. You could both be dog people or one of you might be secretly allergic to cats—figuring out your pet policy now will avoid heartache down the line. It’s also the perfect time to discuss who’ll handle walks and vet visits so no one’s left holding the leash unexpectedly.
Where do you see yourself in the next five years? How does our relationship fit into those plans?
This question makes sure you’re both heading in the same direction. It doesn’t matter if it’s career goals or family plans—knowing you’re on the same page about the future can make all the difference. You should also make sure you feel the same about things like saving for a house. This way, you can rest knowing you’re imagining the same future.
What’s your decorating style?
Creating a space that feels like home to both of you is important. You’ll have to find a way to blend your styles, whether that’s modern decor or vintage items, to make your shared space feel welcoming to both of you. It’ll give you the chance to get creative together by picking out paint colors and shopping for furniture. You can even do some DIY to make your space yours!
Are you a good cook?
You need to talk about food as well, like who does the cooking and how often you’ll eat together. Don’t forget to ask about any dietary needs! It’s also a good idea to discuss how you’ll handle groceries—will you shop together or take turns? Whatever you decide, creating a meal plan will make those “What’s for dinner?” conversations a lot easier.
How should we spend quality time together? How should we sort out personal time?
While it’s great to do things together, you both also need time for your hobbies. You should work out how to balance couple time with personal time so you both have space to grow. This could mean setting aside certain nights for date night & others for personal time. Even just being supportive of each other’s interests is sometimes enough!
How do we set boundaries around work?
Now that remote work is more normalized, it’s important to talk about how you’ll keep work from taking over your personal space & time. Setting some ground rules makes sure that your home feels like a home—not just an extension of the office. This could involve setting up dedicated workspaces and agreeing on work hours. Make sure you disconnect from work at the end of the day, too!
Disclaimer: This list is solely the author’s opinion based on research and publicly available information.
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