There are times when people use certain phrases to dominate others without being obvious. Such phrases can sound harmless or even tender, but they usually have ulterior motives. They want you to think they are wrong or guilty or give in to what they want. Understanding these manipulative phrases is key to maintaining your independence and self-respect. Let’s look at 10 things people say when they’re trying to impose control over you, and how they can influence your choices.
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“You’re Overreacting”
Someone saying this is probably trying to dismiss your feelings. They do not want you to believe your feelings are valid, so they won’t be held accountable. It’s a means of controlling your reaction and leaving you insecure. This is a particularly damaging phrase as it discredits your own reactions. Follow your gut and don’t back down from what you feel.
“If You Really Loved Me, You Would…”
This is a guilt-tripping tactic commonly used to manipulate your choices. By talking about your affection or loyalty to them, they make you feel as though you have a responsibility to conform to them. The expression turns the normal talk into emotional manipulation. Love and respect don’t come with a catch – so watch out for that type of coercion.
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“Everyone Else Agrees With Me”
This phrase is used to push you into a corner and make you feel like an outsider. When they say people are on their side, they want to make their point seem more convincing. It’s a way to make you doubt yourself and agree. Just because they say “everyone” agrees doesn’t mean it’s true. Make decisions based on your own experiences, rather than on the influence of false support.
“You’ll Regret It If You Don’t”
That is a statement that makes use of fear to motivate your decisions. The person wants to make us fear what will happen if we do not do what they want. It’s a way of having control over what you decide by making you question whether you can make a good decision. Don’t be bullied into a behavior you’re uncomfortable with because of fear. Think things through with clarity.
“I Know What’s Best for You”
This phrase sounds compassionate but it’s also frequently used to take away your autonomy. They pretend they know better than you do, to overpower you and take control of your autonomy. It can be useful to hear advice but someone who truly cares will take the time to listen to you.
“You’re Lucky I Put Up With You”
This is a toxic way of making you feel not good enough. They want you to think they’re helping you by having you in their life and therefore you might not stand up for yourself. It’s a power play to take away your self-confidence so they can control you. Fill your world with other people who value you without making you feel like a burden.
“Don’t Tell Anyone About This”
If someone insists on keeping things private, it is probably a cover for their manipulative behavior. This request cuts you off from anyone who can help or counsel you. Maybe they don’t want you to seek help or even to wonder about their intentions. Good relationships don’t need to be a secret to function – be on your guard if someone draws this line.
“You Owe Me”
This is a phrase used to make you feel you must do what they want you too, usually by reminding you of past favors or sacrifices. It makes your relationship a transactional one where you’re constantly repaying them. While it’s perfectly OK to be generous with each other in relationships, generosity shouldn’t come with strings attached.
“You’ll Never Find Someone Like Me”
This statement is intended to scare you and leave you reliant on them. It’s a tactic to undermine your confidence – make you feel like they’re your only option. This tactic often appears in toxic relationships, where the person attempts to keep you under his wing. But keep in mind, good relationships are not fear-based and dependent.
“I’m Only Doing This for Your Own Good”
This is an argument typically made to rationalize controlling behavior. They justify their actions as being in your best interest so that you don’t criticize them and feel bad for challenging them. While there’s nothing wrong with some good advice, controlling behaviors that pass as “help” will deprive you of control. Notice when someone is going too far and put boundaries in place to safeguard your autonomy.
Disclaimer: This list is solely the author’s opinion based on research and publicly available information.
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