Words can damage a woman emotionally and can cause her confidence to never be the same again.
“You have so much potential, but you always ruin it”
This phrase reinforces the worst insecurities she already has about herself. Hearing that she is her own worst enemy terrifies her because she doesn’t want to let herself down. She internalizes it and hears that she can’t have faith in herself.
She starts to believe that even if she tries her hardest and life is going great for her, she will fail because there’s something inherently wrong with her.
“I was just feeling sorry for you”
Said after moments of affection, support, or intimacy, this sentence takes away any sincerity those moments may have had. It negates authentic empathy by reducing it to pity or viewing her as a charity case.
She may feel ashamed and exposed. Hearing this makes her sad because it taints everything that happened before. She no longer knows if people around her actually cared about her or if they were just pitying her.
“You’re just like your mother”
Rarely is this said as a benign observation, depending on context. Most of the time, it’s hurled like a weapon in an argument to wound her. It attacks her by associating her emotions, faults, or frustrations directly with familial traits she has possibly worked hard all her life to distance herself from or recover from.
It hurts so much because you’re weaponizing her insecurities about her family and telling her she’ll never be able to break those learned behaviors.
“You’re impossible to love”
This might be one of the most damaging, soul-crushing phrases to hear coming from someone you care about. Instead of condemning one thing she’s done, you’re making an infinite proclamation about her character.
You are telling her that at her core, she is unworthy of love and anything she tries moving forward will fail because she is defective.
“I wish you were more like her”
Being compared can hurt, but it’s a lot tougher when the person doing the comparing is someone whose opinion she values. Whether the other woman is a sister, coworker, friend, or an ex, the underlying message stays consistent. The issue is that someone else seems to have the attributes she’s missing. Every time she sees that woman, she may think of that statement.
“You’re lucky I put up with you”
It is a maliciously manipulative backhanded compliment meant to tear a girl’s confidence apart. It lets her know that being with him was not her choice, but his favor. It made them feel worthless and as if they were unwelcome guests. Women will often stay in extremely abusive situations for years because of subconscious fears created by statements like this that they won’t be loved or wanted by anyone else.
“Anyone could have done that”
A woman works hard for weeks, months, spends late nights or even years to accomplish something. Someone tells her it’s nothing. She may have finished an arduous qualification or gotten a promotion at work. Maybe she handled a tough situation at home with grace. Hearing those words hurts. They take away from all the work that went into accomplishing the task at hand.
“If you loved me, you wouldn’t question it”
It weaponizes love into some invincible barrier against responsibility or blame. It makes every conversation feel like he’s grilling her on her devotion to him. If she questions something for clarity, points out something that doesn’t add up, or has a healthy skepticism about something, he’ll say this to her.
“You’re just like everyone said you were”
For women, nothing’s scarier than being socially rejected. Insulting her like this reminds her that not only did everyone agree on her personal faults without her knowledge, but also that the thing she’s most afraid of being behind closed doors is actually true to those around her.
It invalidates her trust in that group of friends or significant other and makes her feel paranoid, exposed, and unlovable.
“You used to be beautiful”
Whether from a lover, family member, or long-lost friend, this sentence can cause a woman to hyper-fixate on every aspect of her physical appearance. She may have aged, gained weight, or maybe she’s just not rocking the fashion girl uniform like she did when she was 25.
What makes this comment sting is the word past tense. It makes it seem like beauty was something she once possessed, not something she currently has.
“I thought you’d be further along by now”
When a woman hears this from her parent, partner or someone she looks up to, she may rethink years of decisions. Maybe she settled for a career that didn’t pay as much or took time away from work to have kids. Maybe she had to rebuild her life from scratch after a divorce.
Whatever it is, these words tell her that her life isn’t as successful as they had hoped for. The thing that hurts the most is that she could already be feeling defeated that her life isn’t where she imagined it’d be by now.
If a woman uses these 13 phrases, she’s probably been through more than you think
Listen closely to how a woman guards her time and energy, and you’ll learn about battles she fought by herself.
If a woman uses these 13 phrases, she’s probably been through more than you think
