From Racist to Rejected: Confronting the Consequences of Exclusion

Man holding his head down in sadness / stress.

In a world where diversity and inclusion are becoming increasingly important, stories like this one shared on social media by a concerned boyfriend are not uncommon.

The post describes a situation where, in a small college community, a young woman was faced with the reality of her past actions.

The girlfriend, now 21, confided in her boyfriend about her past treatment of Black freshmen who were attempting to join her sorority. She admitted to forcing them into dangerous hazing activities and then excluding them from the sorority.

This admission came as a surprise to her boyfriend, who was taken aback by the revelations.

The girlfriend also revealed that she had been kicked out of her sorority due to recent diversity initiatives aimed at making the sorority more inclusive. She expressed her frustrations at being made fun of and receiving nicknames like “Klanswoman Katie.”

The boyfriend was torn between his love for his girlfriend and the realization that her past actions were deeply hurtful and racist. He believed that his girlfriend did not deserve respect from the people she had wronged in the past, but his girlfriend saw it differently.

But his girlfriend accused him of taking the side of those she had hurt and called him a jacka**. The OP (original poster) is now wondering if his reaction to his girlfriend’s past was justified or if he should be more supportive.

Is She Still a Racist or Reformed?

This situation raises questions about personal growth, accountability, and the consequences of one’s actions.

How can we reconcile someone’s past racism with their present actions and attitudes? Can people truly change, or are they destined to be defined by their past mistakes? Is it fair to reject someone for their past actions, even if they claim to have changed?

Many of the Reddit responses to the situation varied in their opinions, with some outright condemning her actions and others acknowledging the potential for growth and redemption.

A commenter named jahkugou applauded the boyfriend for standing up to racism, but cautioned against staying with his girlfriend if she hadn’t truly changed,

“NTA for what you said because it’s the truth.It’s nice seeing non-POC ppl finally standing up to racists like this. But YWBTA, if you stayed with her knowing she’s a racist. Ppl like that don’t just “change” out of nowhere.”

The boyfriend replied that he was repulsed by his girlfriend’s actions and planned to break up with her, citing racism as an irredeemable quality.

However, some commenters like Zula13 believed that people can grow and learn from their past mistakes and that the girl’s situation was more about facing the consequences than genuine remorse.

“Age 20-22 can be a pretty significant developmental age. People can absolutely realize the stupid things they did in the past were wrong.

“Admittedly, it does seem like THIS is more a case of ‘Oh look, my actions have consequences’ situation.”

This sentiment was echoed by Felczer, who shared stories of people who had shed their racist beliefs while in university.

“No, I met people who were racist nationalists before starting university and turned leftists before finishing. For a lot of people this is the first time they are free from their racist/nationalist background and can actually start thinking for themselves.”

Katrinchen, on the other hand, saw the girl’s situation as a lack of genuine remorse, with the girlfriend being more upset about being rejected than about her own past bigotry.

acegirl1985 also believed that the involved girl was playing the victim and not taking responsibility for her actions.

“She hasn’t changed, she’s just trying to make herself the victim because her actions were brought to light and called out. Of course, she’s gonna say that’s totally not who she is now- that’s the only play that’ll even possibly gain her any form of empathy.

“NTA- you’re right, racists don’t deserve respect or consideration. She chose her actions now she’s just reaping what she sowed. glad you’re dumping her.”

ProfessionalRace9526 posed an interesting question about how to help racist individuals change, rather than simply rejecting and ignoring them in the following manner:

“Honest Question: How can we help people to leave their racist view behind? If OP just drops her because she was racist in her past (idk how she is now), she maybe finds somebody racist, and that other person does not help her to get less racist.

“It is not OP’s job to help her to become less racist (that can be tedious, and not everybody has the time and resources to do that, and that is okay).

“But how are we supposed to help racist people to become less racist if we just drop/ignore them as soon as we learn they are racist?

“Again, I don’t want to defend them, but I’m interested in a practical approach how to help these people.”

This raises larger societal questions about how to address systemic racism and promote growth and accountability on a larger scale.

The Verdict

In this case, keeping all the comments under sight, it seems clear that the girlfriend has not fully reckoned with the harm she caused in the past. While she admitted to her racist actions, she did not express genuine remorse or a desire to make amends.

Instead, she seemed more concerned about her own exclusion and the loss of social status.

It is possible that she could grow and change in the future, but only if she takes responsibility for her past actions and works towards making amends.

It is also important to note that while individuals can change, there are still consequences for past actions.

What do you think? Let us know in the comments. Was the OP from this post wrong?

Featured Image Credit: AndrewLozovyi /

This article originally appeared on Ash & Pri.

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Pri Kingston

Ash & Pri are the Founders of and have spent the last decade building their way towards financial freedom and a lifetime of memories. Having successfully achieved their early retirement goal in under 10 years, they look forward to sharing their financial sense with like-minded people. Read more about Ash & Pri in the 'About Us' section.