OP (original poster) and her fiance had been together for four years. She brought two boys into the relationship, now 12 and 9 years old.
Every year, OP and her kids would visit her family’s vacation home for a week with the entire family, and until recently, her fiance had never attended. However, with their engagement and the merging of their families, OP’s family invited her fiance to come along.
Before their arrival, she explained to him that her kids didn’t have a bedtime during their stay at the vacation home. They did various night activities, including swimming in the pool, karaoke, fires, and nightly strolls. She made it clear that bedtime was not to be enforced like it was at home because this was a vacation with family, and she didn’t want her kids to miss out on any of the fun.
On their first night there, OP’s fiance seemed uncomfortable with the boys staying up late. However, she reminded him at least twice that they weren’t enforcing a bedtime.
The second night, he dropped comments in front of her family, stating that the boys should be in bed and that it would be terrible getting them back on their schedule. She told him to stop and reminded him of what she had previously said.
On the third night, her fiance became increasingly annoyed with the boys being awake and started to make angry ‘sighs’ every time he looked at them. She pulled him aside and told him that he was being an embarrassment to her in front of her family. She warned him that if he couldn’t control himself for a week, he should leave because he was ruining their trip with his passive-aggressive behavior surrounding the bedtime issue.
OP says,
“I finally pulled him aside and told him he was a f***ing embarrassment because he keeps saying these comments in front of my family, which leads to awkward silences and judgemental glances my way.”
Her fiance disagreed, stating that he wanted to keep the kids on a schedule because it was best for them. She felt that he was being unreasonable and making a big deal out of nothing.
In the end, she wondered if she was in the wrong for making her fiance feel like garbage over wanting to keep the kids on a schedule.
OP reached out to the Reddit forum asking for help,
“I feel like an AH because he isn’t like this usually, and I know his concerns are coming from a good place, but he was warned well in advance and still tried to micromanage it, and I’m definitely not okay with that.”
The Reddit Opinion
Tatersprout put it bluntly, saying,
“He has an opinion that differs from yours. He doesn’t have to agree with you, but he does have to respect your decisions. He doesn’t respect you and can’t control himself. He made a fool of himself and openly showed his disdain to your entire family.
“Please rethink your relationship. Things may have been smooth in the past because a situation where you disagree has likely never been an issue.”
LlamaMamaMandi agreed with their own personal experience,
“40 years ago, I went from having a mom and her fun boyfriend to a mom and a stepdad who thought he had to become a parent overnight. How will he deal with adjusting schedules as they kids age? If he’s already acting like this, I really wonder how he will be with the added level of marriage.”
Related: The Trouble With Childhood Romance: Why Punishing a 7-Year-old for “Cheating” Is Absurd
Ok-Penalty7568 chimed in and believes that there’s more than OP is missing about her fiance’s behavior, and said
“If it’s not his usual, why did OP think to warn him if he had an “issue he can’t control for a week”? I feel like there’s more to his behavior.”
PiltdownPanda is a step-father himself and agrees with the popular opinion of other Reddit users,
“This guy is going to be trouble… I’ve been the stepfather for 35 years now, and I unequivocally say the smartest stand I took when we got married was that I am not your disciplinarian. They have a mother and a father. I supervise like any responsible adult, but the discipline and decision-making for them is not mine. After all this time, I have never regretted that stand.”
Fiance Is Not the Disciplinarian.
While it’s understandable that the fiance may have concerns about the kids’ sleeping habits, it’s important to respect the established family vacation traditions and routines.
It’s also crucial to communicate any concerns before the trip and to work on finding a compromise that works for everyone. The fiance’s behavior and comments toward the children were inappropriate and created tension within the family.
What do you think? Let us know in the comments.
This post was inspired by this Reddit thread.
Featured Image Credit: EdZbarzhyvetsky /Depositphotos.com.
This article originally appeared on Ash & Pri.