He knows how to turn you into his girlfriend, but that doesn’t mean he knows how to be married to you.
The wedding obsession
He rambles on about the wedding and honeymoon and how amazing the ceremony is going to be, but he isn’t interested when you talk about what marriage will actually be like. You’ve asked him about children and finances and how you’ll divide household duties or care for elderly parents many times, but he always changes the subject.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting a nice wedding, but marriage is about a lot more than one day of celebrating. If he wants to be married but doesn’t care about what comes after the wedding, he may not be ready for marriage.
The convenient helplessness
He can’t cook, clean, book appointments, or do any sorts of basic tasks to run a household, yet he has no problem handling very complicated tasks at work. When given the opportunity to learn, he resorts to having his partner do everything for him time and time again. Pretty soon, you do all the heavy lifting when it comes to the practical work in the relationship.
The issue isn’t that he may not know how to do certain things. It’s that he shows no effort in learning how to do them.
The audience effects
He makes your relationship problems into jokes for his friends. He embarrasses you, tells people private things you tell him, or teases your insecurities to get laughs. When you tell him to stop, he says you’re too sensitive.
Couples can talk to other people about their problems to get advice, but targeting your vulnerabilities to pick up friends is disrespectfully careless.
The emergency effect
He is sweet and attentive when times are good, but mysteriously disappears every time his partner experiences a serious problem. When she’s sick, needs emotional support during a family crisis, or is just having a bad day, he suddenly doesn’t have time to help or complains that her drama is too much.
We all have boundaries, but someone who vanishes every time you need them may just not want to share your life struggles. Part of marriage is being there for the rainy days too.
The scorekeeper
He never forgets the favor he did you, and reminds you of it every time you ask for a favor in return. If he pays for dinner, then he’ll want you to buy him dinner next time. If he does the dishes, then he’ll remind you that you owe him.
While reciprocity is healthy in a marriage, he should never need to keep track of every little thing he does so you’ll know that you gave back.
The selective gentleman
He treats people with impressive manners and respect when they can do him a favor, but is unnecessarily rude to people he deems beneath him. He might speak eloquently to his boss but hurl insults at a waiter or clown around with a janitor.
There’s nothing wrong with acting like a gentleman some of the time, but if his politeness is dictated by someone’s job title, you might want to reconsider. How a man treats those who can never do anything for him says a lot about his character.
The borrowed personality
During the first few months of dating, he agrees with almost everything you say. He’ll tell you he feels the same way you do about children, religion, lifestyle choices, vacation preferences, cooking habits, etc., when in reality he may have said or done something in the past that proves otherwise. As you start dating more seriously, his real personality will start to slip through the cracks.
People change their minds all the time, but someone who purposefully masquerades as a clone of you in order to win your commitment doesn’t let you both make truly informed decisions.
The secret competition
Instead of being happy for you when you do well, he becomes upset with your success. Whether it’s a promotion, raise, new degree, or recognition of her work, he might tease you about it or insist that it doesn’t really matter. He may even try to talk you out of pursuing opportunities that would allow you to become less dependent on him.
Marriage should allow you both to thrive, not make you feel like you have to compete against one another.
Everyone else comes first
Nurturing your friendships and family relationships is great. However, if a man regularly discounts how you feel or what you need, that’s a problem. He frequently cancels dates when his friends invite him to do something. He lets his family say nasty things to you and doesn’t defend you. He makes significant life decisions with nobody in mind but his family members.
You don’t have to cut yourself off from everyone else when you get married. You should, however, develop a union where both of you feel like you matter and have an equal voice.
Love with conditions
Some men are warm and loving until you disagree with them. Then he turns cold and only shows affection if you do things his way. He may scream at you, go silent, or threaten divorce when you have a different opinion. You might become afraid to speak up for yourself or tell him how you feel.
Arguments and disagreements are normal, even in healthy relationships. You shouldn’t feel like you have to earn his affection by listening to him and doing what he wants. Using love or attention as a form of punishment is abuse.
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Never marry a man who shows these 11 warning signs
When you’re falling in love with a man, it can be tempting to excuse his bad behavior and poor habits; however, these negative traits won’t dissolve when you tie the knot.
