When you’re falling in love with a man, it can be tempting to excuse his bad behavior and poor habits; however, these negative traits won’t dissolve when you tie the knot.
The sick test
When you’re down with a cold, a pounding headache, or a twisted ankle, observe how his caring side, or lack of it shows up.
A man who only cares for you when you’re healthy and easy-going will become frustrated, aggravated, or angry when you’re sick and in need of his assistance.
Sure, he may carry on about running to the drugstore for cough syrup one time, but his patience will soon wear thin.
Marriage brings about severe illnesses, old age, and helplessness. And if he snaps at you when you’re weak, he’ll turn his back on you when you need him.
Broken vows
Maybe he tells you about reading that book he’s been putting off. Quitting smoking or drinking. Learning to play the guitar or finishing an oil painting.
It sounds wonderful at first. But if he’s always getting pumped about some new thing only to drop it when it actually demands some effort from him, take note.
Sure, we all disappoint ourselves now and again. The problem is a repeated pattern of promising things then never delivering.
A man who makes a habit of giving himself permission not to follow through may have a difficult time following through on marriage when it gets difficult, boring, or demanding.
The more he makes excuses the less you can take his words seriously. You never know which excuses are actually going to lead to him doing what he says he will.
Convenient confusion
If an adult man tells you that he “just sucks at” doing laundry, booking flights, or keeping up with bills, he’s playing a very transparent mind game.
By underperforming or willfully pretending he has no idea what he’s doing, he pressures you into taking over so that it can actually be done.
This is your glimpse at a marriage where you will become his overwhelmed personal assistant. He prioritizes his own ease over showing you any real regard.
The common denominator
A healthy adult can look back on a relationship that didn’t work and see ways that they might have contributed to the failure.
They could have done something wrong, made mistakes, or it could have just been bad timing.
But if every woman that a man has dated was psycho, insane, or completely wronged him when they broke up, he lacks any sort of introspection. He’ll never own up to his part in anything, and he’ll turn it around on you when you have a valid grievance.
He’ll twist the story every which way to save face, meaning there will never be any resolution when you two actually fight.
Dimming sparks
Notice his face and tone when you excitedly share some trivial victory or passion with him.
Does he jump right down into your enthusiasm with you, or does he dampen your excitement by highlighting all of the ways it won’t work or could go wrong?
If he’s quietly intimidated by you succeeding and living your best life, he’ll find a way to critique your ideas and slip back into being your ‘sky is the limit’ cheerleader overnight.
He’ll frame this behavior as him “just keeping it real” or “looking out for you”, but it’s death by a thousand cuts. This approach effectively limits your growth, keeping you predictable and contained within the boundaries he prefers.
Too transparent
On the opposite end of the spectrum from intense secrecy, is a man who is incredibly overly available with his information.
If he throws his passwords at you, over-explains what’s going on in his text conversations with other women, or volunteers his location/status every time you ask how his day is, he’s over compensating.
This brand of loud transparency is often used as a smoke screen for deeper issues of emotional unavailability or hidden deal-breakers.
A truly available man is quiet about the things that matter. He doesn’t need to sell you on his trustworthiness. If his openness seems like a deliberate tactic to ward off deeper inquiries, listen to that feeling.
The trace
You can judge a man by how he treats things when no one is watching.
When someone’s careless about shoving carts into parking spots instead of returning them, littering at the movies, or leaving restrooms a disaster, it shows a fundamental disrespect for the world around them.
He believes someone else will always be below him to pick up after his laziness. In your marriage, you’ll find he starts expecting you to be the one to pick up his slack around the house.
The middleman
When a man depends on you emotionally, he’ll view you as his personal assistant.
He wants you to pick up gifts for his mom. He wants you to remember his friends’ birthdays. He wants you to handle all family drama.
If he won’t pick up the phone to call his family members or friends unless you demand it of him, then he’s passing his emotional responsibilities onto you. Soon, you’ll find yourself overwhelmed by the pressure of having to facilitate his life.
Two versions
When a guy is universally adored by everyone he meets for his sunny, helpful demeanor, but turns into a sulky, silent specter the second you’re alone together, that’s a huge warning sign.
The reason he’s able to pull off this drastic difference in personality is because he only fakes being nice to others for social-climbing purposes.
His real, arrogant self is what he shows you. Home is where he offloads all his bad moods because he doesn’t have to pretend to be nice or fun.
You should look for someone who reserves their best for the one they share their bed with, not for casual acquaintances.
Money mirage
A partner doesn’t need to be rich to be a good marital prospect, but a sensible head for money is essential.
Even if he’s buried in credit card debt or completely broke, but still splurges on fancy gifts for you regularly just to show off, he’s clearly got no sense when it comes to finances.
He cares about ego and the quick dopamine rush more than being financially secure one day. And if you marry this guy, you’ll always live in fear of your finances.
You’ll be hiding accounts from each other and you’ll never be able to have wealth you can pass down or have savings for rainy days.
The detour
If you mention something that legitimately upset you, a controlling person will quickly steer the conversation away from his mistake by nitpicking how you delivered your complaint.
His go-to move is to point out your phrasing, the moment you chose to speak, or even your facial expression.
Whatever he did wrong no longer exists. Ultimately, you’re left apologizing for your emotions, and his actions go unaddressed.
Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.
