A woman can be surrounded by people every day and still have no one she would truly call a close friend.
When something happens
Something amazing or awful occurs, but she doesn’t have one person she immediately turns to. She may confide in a boyfriend, family member, co-worker, or even broadcast it on Facebook. It’s not that she lacks people to share with; she lacks that friend who knows before everyone else.
After Friday
Her social life ends when work ends. Weekends are sometimes spent alone, sometimes with family or running errands, but no one just casually asks her to get coffee or come over.
There’s nothing wrong with liking alone time; that’s perfectly healthy. The clue is there never really seems to be anyone to make plans with spontaneously.
Always a reason
Most of her connections occur because something has brought people together: work, school, kids’ activities, church, gym, or some other organized environment. When the activity stops, the connection is gone. Tight friendship typically lasts despite lacking a reason to be together.
Behind closed doors
She likes relationships that need some scheduling and forethought. She doesn’t have someone that come over in their sweats, and plops down at the kitchen table, opens the fridge, and hangs out for two hours doing nothing and feeling entertained. That level of comfort doesn’t usually happen until people are real friends.
Between the notifications
Most of her texts are meetings, work talk, family logistics, group chats, or alerts. What she doesn’t have are mindless conversations close friends exchange: some ridiculous picture, private jest, “You’ll never guess,” or “just because I was thinking of you” texts.
Beyond the surface
Many people may know the confident, competent facade of her, but few ever see her when she’s scared, ashamed, furious, or broken. She can have lots of acquaintances and maintain nearly all of them at arm’s length. True friendship often requires one person who knows what’s behind the curtain.
When it matters
Weddings, milestone birthdays, vacations and other celebrations can silently reveal a lack of close friends. She may question who she should invite, who to ask to be a bridesmaid, or who she’d actually want to travel with. Everyday life masks a small social circle much more easily than special occasions.
Plenty of hellos
She could actually be very social. She’s liked by coworkers, waved at by neighbors, and can talk to nearly anyone without getting nervous. But few of those interactions extend past the setting they began. It can be easy to have lots of acquaintances and still have none of them become friendships.
Mostly in the past
When she discusses close friendships, her anecdotes usually start with “I used to have a friend who…” instead of “one of my friends…”. High school friends moved away, former coworkers vanished, relationships that were once close slowly unraveled. She might have tons of friendship history, but little friendship in her life now.
No shared history
She may feel awkward asking anyone outside her family even for the smallest favor, like watering her plants while she is out of town, picking up something, or holding a spot while she makes an appointment.
It’s not that no one would do it for her; she just doesn’t have a relationship comfortable enough for asking without making her feel guilty or indebted. Friendships are often defined by those small dependencies instead of grand emergencies.
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People who don’t have many friends despite being kind usually do these 13 things
They’re not rude, not difficult, and not impossible to like, but there’s a reason they never seem to have more than a handful of friends.
People who don’t have many friends despite being kind usually do these 13 things
