It’s not like love disappears every time after one huge argument, and it’s more as though love starts disappearing through little habits and small changes that you might not even recognize.
He feels irritated by things he once found harmless
It’s probably something ridiculous at first, like the way she taps her spoon or the way she leaves a cupboard open. These small things didn’t use to matter much at all, and maybe he once found them funny. Not anymore, though.
Now, those harmless things get under his skin almost immediately, and it’s all because his patience for her habits has changed. The harmless little things feel a lot bigger than they actually are.
He becomes unusually polite instead of affectionate
One of the weirdest moments is when he’s become nicer on paper, but colder in real life. You know, where he says please and thank you, as well as asking whether she needs anything from the store. It all seems decent. But there’s something missing, and that’s affection.
Yes, the nicknames have disappeared, and the teasing has dried up. The marriage becomes a way for two people to share a space together, rather than showing actual warmth towards each other. It’s not exactly what successful relationships are made of.
He stops defending the relationship from outside pressure
He hears it. Those comments that his friends and family make about the marriage, he hears them, but he chooses not to address them. He refuses to push back, choosing instead to smile or change the subject. He might add in his own complaint, too.
Such a change matters because it shows he no longer thinks the relationship is something that’s worth protecting. Any outside pressure is acceptable. It’s easy to tell yourself that you’re just trying to avoid drama, but really, you’re just not giving the support expected in a marriage.
He imagines being alone more often than being happy together
Daydreaming is something that we all do, and the content of these dreams is pretty telling. A guy who’s fallen out of love will start picturing a small apartment and an empty weekend. Basically, he’s imagining being anywhere but with her.
That doesn’t have to mean he’s planning to leave. Sometimes, he’s just mentally trying on another life. The most telling part is that he feels peaceful when he’s alone in his fantasy, but being happy with his wife isn’t something that pops up.
He becomes emotionally indifferent during conflict
There are those arguments that become louder when love is disappearing. Then there are those that become weirdly quiet. You know, where she’s upset and asking questions, but he keeps saying ‘okay’ or something else just as unhelpful.
It might even come across like he’s being calm. Maybe he thinks he is, but the truth is, someone who’s calm is still going to be interested. Being indifferent is something different, and it means he believes the outcome isn’t worth the effort anymore. Ouch.
He begins referring to shared possessions as his
Listen closely to the way that he talks. You might notice a few changes in grammar, where he starts saying things like, ‘My car’ instead of ‘our car.’ ‘Our savings’ changes to ‘the money I put away.’ It’s not like he’s aware that he’s changed the words that he’s using.
It just kind of happens. The thing is, it shows you that the shared picture he has in his head is changing, and he no longer sees himself being united with his wife. Everything becomes privately owned.
He becomes more animated around other people
There’s a big difference between how he acts at home and how he acts around other people. He’s kind of switched off when he’s with his wife, almost like having a conversation is too much effort. It all changes when someone else arrives, however.
That’s when his funny side comes out, the one that tells stories and remembers details. This version of him doesn’t exist when it’s the two of them alone.
He feels more like himself when she is not there
It doesn’t even have to be around other people. Sometimes, he’s different when he’s by himself, and he’s happier that way, too. It’s not one peaceful afternoon, it’s more the relief that keeps returning when he’s far away from her.
He feels less watched and less careful. He doesn’t feel like he’s playing a part anymore, but then she comes home, and that sense of ease disappears. He’s back to feeling tense again.
He stops noticing when she has gone quiet
It would’ve normally gotten his attention when she went silent during dinner. Not anymore. He ignores it, perhaps doesn’t even recognize that it’s happened. Her change in mood isn’t something that he bothers paying attention to because, really, it’s not important.
Rather than becoming cruel overnight, he’s stopped tuning in. Any pauses or changes in tone don’t register with him anymore, and that’s one of the greatest signs that he’s lost interest in her completely.
He feels embarrassed by affection in public
Anytime that she reaches for his hand in public or tries to give him a kiss around other people, he turns away. He acts awkward and uncomfortable, like it’s something that he can’t stand anymore.
It’s never a good sign when public affection becomes embarrassing instead of natural. If he’s someone who’s always disliked PDA, then this doesn’t apply to him. It’s only the guys who’ve changed from warm to tense, really.
He assumes conversations with her will be unpleasant
Something as simple as, ‘Can I ask you something?’ is enough to annoy him because, in his head, the conversation’s going to become a complaint or lecture. He’s expecting to hear another problem that he’ll somehow be blamed for, how fun.
He’s expecting that the conversation’s going to go badly, even before it’s started. He’s stopped listening to her completely because, apparently, he already knows how every conversation will go. Not well, simply put.
He stops introducing her with pride
There used to be a time when he’d bring her into a conversation properly, where he’d say something funny she’d said or why he was proud of her. That’s all stopped. He introduces her by her name and as his wife, nothing more, nothing less.
He might not actually introduce her at all, and that means she has to jump in to do it herself. It’s not like he’s trying to be dismissive or anything, but still, that burst of pride has gone missing. That’s not good.
He stops giving her credit in front of others
She might’ve organized everything and dealt with all the issues herself, but he never gives her credit for that. No, he talks about the whole thing like it sorted itself out around him, without her being involved.
He’s not deliberately trying to ignore her contribution, it’s just that she’s become more like background staff in their life. You know, the life that they supposedly built together. It doesn’t look so tight anymore.
Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.
13 things wives do in marriage that would be grounds for divorce if husbands did them
A lot of women get away with things in their marriages because they’re treated as jokes or normal wife behavior, but it’d be a completely different story if the roles were reversed.
13 things wives do in marriage that would be grounds for divorce if husbands did them
