Roommate v. Boyfriend: Who’s the Real Culprit Here?

Picture of offended brunette girls, wearing casual outfits stand back to back with arms crossed and expressing argument, do not want to talk, isolated over pink background. People relationship concept

It’s not uncommon for roommates to clash over a wide variety of issues, but what happens when one roommate objects to the other’s significant other staying over too frequently?

That’s the issue a social media user found herself dealing with when the (OP) original poster’s roommate texted her and requested a conversation about OP’s boyfriend’s frequency of staying over.

OP, a 22-year-old female, had been living with her 24-year-old roommate for two years.

The OP’s 28-year-old boyfriend had recently purchased a house in the same town and was renovating it. The house was currently unlivable due to the lack of floors. As a result, the boyfriend stayed with the OP for about two to three nights a week, mostly during the weekends.

He also worked from her apartment on some Fridays but stayed in OP’s room to avoid taking up the common living space.

OP had her own room and bathroom, so the boyfriend did not take up any of the roommate’s personal space. The utility bills had not increased during this time either.

However, the roommate texted OP, asking to have a conversation about how often the boyfriend had been staying over.

OP was confused and felt that the roommate was being unreasonable as the boyfriend only stayed at night, so the only shared space he occupied was OP’s bed. OP and her roommate had previously discussed the boyfriend staying over more frequently, and the roommate had always maintained that it did not bother her.

Now, OP is left wondering whether her roommate is being unreasonable.

Who’s the Real Culprit?

Commenters had varying opinions on the matter, with some siding with the roommate and others defending the original poster.

One commenter, LeslieKnope6254, explained that the roommate may be uncomfortable with the situation because she feels like a third wheel in her own home.

“Here’s the thing – being a third wheel in your own house sucks.

“She’s allowed not to like it, she’s allowed to ask for a decrease. She moved in with one woman, not a romantic couple. She got the option to choose you, her flatmate – but only you got to choose who you date. See what I’m saying? It doesn’t matter why – if it’s too much for her – you need to come to a reasonable compromise.

“Also, having lived with couples before, the utilities are not the main thing, even when splitting costs comes up. Think about it this way. If it was me and a flatmate staying in on a Friday night, I can pull up a seat at the dinner table / plonk myself on the sofa, and relax. If I’m living with a couple, and they stay in on a Friday night, their ‘night in’ is couple time; it’s date night. The chance of me going to my room is high, and the chance of me chilling in the kitchen or living room which I pay 50% for, is slimmer. Is that fair?

“Ask yourself – does she appear in the communal spaces less when your BF is around? Or does she get the house to herself in the way she would have naturally if you were working your usual schedule and BF wasn’t in town? These things matter more than utilities.”

Another commenter, M89-90, pointed out:

“You are also taking up the weekend. You sound like you know this and are skirting that fact. So then nights she has off during the weekend he is around the place.”

It’s highly likely that the roommate feels like she can’t use communal spaces when the couple is there or that their presence interferes with her activities.

Away-Breadfruit-35 says,

“I’ve been this roommate. My friend’s boyfriend started coming over more and more. You walk around relaxed, then suddenly he’s there and you have to socialize. You walk into the kitchen, and they are both there. You feel unwanted in your own home. It feels suffocating and invasive.”

Similarly, another Reddit user, rinamina35, shared a similar experience siding with OP’s roommate.

“Same. I was this roommate, and, after dealing with that decided to get a cheap studio of my own. Now I have a bf, and I don’t bother anyone bc I know how it feels. I wasn’t able to use common spaces because my roomie felt like bringing her bf at night almost everyday.”

One user, Pale_Cranberry1502, interestingly came with a slightly different approach to this whole scenario and tried to address the elephant in the room, raising questions about the terms of the lease.

“I’ll add what might be the biggest issue of all. What does their lease say about how often guests are allowed? Landlord isn’t going to care that it’s her boyfriend. If the roommate knows they’re breaking the lease and didn’t alert Landlord, she’ll be thrown out along with OP. Also, how often and for how long does he have to sleep over before he accrues squatter’s rights?”

The Verdict

While there may be valid arguments for both sides of this debate, the overwhelming response from the social media thread clearly noted that OP was being inconsiderate to her roommate.

While it may be easy for OP and her boyfriend to downplay the whole scenario, the roommate’s inconvenience and lack of privacy in her own home cannot be ignored.

The roommate’s objections likely stem from feeling like a third wheel in her own home or feeling like she can’t use communal spaces as freely as she normally would.

What do you think? Let us know in the comments. Do you think the OP from this social media post was wrong?

Featured Image Credit: Sementsova321 /

This article originally appeared on Ash & Pri.

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Pri Kingston

Ash & Pri are the Founders of and have spent the last decade building their way towards financial freedom and a lifetime of memories. Having successfully achieved their early retirement goal in under 10 years, they look forward to sharing their financial sense with like-minded people. Read more about Ash & Pri in the 'About Us' section.