While some people learn the emotional rules of life the slow and hard way, other people catch on pretty early, and that’s why they’re so emotionally intelligent.
Before the mouth moves
One of the most important things these people learn is about the order of their feelings. In other words, they know that their first feeling isn’t always the truest one, and their initial reaction doesn’t have to be right.
That’s not to say they don’t have a first feeling. They do, they’re not robots. But the difference is that they don’t give that first feeling any airtime, and they give themselves the space to develop other feelings, too. Those are usually the real ones.
When pain guesses wrong
Feeling hurt often means that you think everything’s intentional, and you start thinking that the whole world’s out to get you. It’s just not correct. Your feelings are valid, yes, but the story attached to them isn’t always accurate, and emotionally intelligent (EI) people know that.
They’ll admit that they were hurt. But then they’re less likely to claim it’s because someone was deliberately trying to hurt them, or that someone was intending to make them feel bad. High-EI people know that that’s not usually the case.
Silence can stay silent
Apologies. You can wait for years to get one, and you keep thinking that the person will finally see your side, that they’ll finally say sorry to you properly. They might. However, most of the time, they don’t, and it’s a hard truth that people with high EI have accepted.
They know there’s no point in waiting around for an apology that may or may not come, although they’re still fine with calling out bad behavior. They’re still okay to feel angry about the whole thing, it’s just that they’re not going to wait for an apology to move on.Â
Some doors stay closed
You’re not one honest conversation away from repairing every relationship. Some of them, yes, but with a lot of them, you can’t continue thinking that things are going to be fixed. They won’t. High-EI people recognize that, and they know that some broken relationships require a lot more.
Nostalgia? Old jokes? The feeling that you’ve been through so much? That’s not always enough to fix things, because the sad fact is, some relationships have an expiration date. That’s a truth of life, and people with high emotional intelligence understand it.
Winning gets boring
It feels good to be right. That’s basically a fact. But there’s a special kind of tiredness that comes when you keep trying to prove your point to someone who wasn’t listening and was never going to listen to you. You’re right, great, but what next?
High-EI people learn early on that being right doesn’t make the conversation any better or even more useful. No, they don’t avoid every disagreement. They’re just aware of when there’s no point in discussing things any further because you’re both debating for no reason.
Someone else’s weather
You can usually feel someone’s bad mood before they tell you about it, mostly because the silence feels so heavy and their answers seem so sharp. But that’s not the truth here. The truth that high-EI people know is that someone else’s bad mood isn’t their problem.
Not always, anyway, and handling another person’s emotions doesn’t need to be your full-time job, nor does it need you to fix it. They’ll still ask what’s wrong, and, yes, they’ll still give space. But assuming that they’ve got to fix it all? Not going to happen.
Stay for one breath
Discomfort is one of those things in a relationship that makes you think you’ve got to leave. But you can’t trust it. People with high emotional intelligence know that, and they understand that the message is sometimes that they’re experiencing something new. That’s okay.
They won’t treat discomfort as a warning to leave and, instead, they’ll see it as a reminder to fully check their feelings. Is the situation unsafe, or are they just uncomfortable? Sometimes, they will leave, but most of the time, it’s time to rethink things.
Letting someone frown
Saying ‘no’ is difficult sometimes, and people with high intelligence understand that. It doesn’t feel any easier for them. However, the difference here is that they know it’s okay to disappoint people and reject them without being cruel or feeling guilty.
They know they’re okay to let someone down while treating them humanely, no mean voice or 100-word defense for their actions necessary. You won’t feel high-EI people thinking they need to explain it twice or offer another option. It’s not how they do things.
Love can’t do homework
Emotional maturity doesn’t come from loving someone harder. That sounds harsh, but it’s true, and no matter how many times you explain it or soften it, they’re probably not going to develop any maturity.Â
Emotionally intelligent people understand that pretty early on, and it has taught them to stop trying to turn love into something that’ll repair someone. It won’t. They’ll still care and try, but they’re not going to do the other person’s growing up for them.
No final meeting needed
People love selling closure like it comes with a single deep conversation, but it’s really not like that. Not at all. It’s usually a decision that you make yourself, because the truth is, you might never get the answer you’re looking for.
The other person doesn’t have to give you the final word for you to get closure. You can get it yourself, from your own choice to stop feeding the same question.
Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.
People with high emotional intelligence do 7 things when they get angry, say psychologists; they never ‘act out’
People with high emotional intelligence get angry like the rest of us, but the thing is, they do certain things during that first heated moment that help them cope better.
