We all change as we grow up and so do our relationships—especially with our parents. Even with the best intentions, parents and their adult kids might not be as close as they used to be during the sandbox days. A lot of this has to do with how parents handle the relationship. So, here are twelve traits of parents who aren’t close with their adult children. If you’re a parent, take this as a friendly insight.
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Not Much of a Talker
Parents who don’t talk much with their adult kids or keep things surface-level often miss out on bonding. Instead of giving the third degree, it’s sharing life’s ups & downs that can make all the difference. Closed-off parents signal to their kids that they’re not interested in what’s going on in their lives and this creates a gap.
Quick to Criticize
Nobody’s perfect but constantly pointing out flaws can be a real relationship killer. Parents who focus on the negatives or are quick to criticize their kids’ choices can make their adult children feel like they’re always under a microscope. That’s as uncomfortable as it sounds. Eventually, it pushes the children to share less about their lives and make decisions without their parents’ input.
Stuck in Their Ways
Change is tough for anyone, particularly for parents who have seen it all. However, being rigid and not adapting to the new aspects of their adult children’s lives is not the approach to take. If you don’t accept their career choices or partners, you’ll just come off as out-of-touch. That doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover; you just have to show respect for your grown-up kids’ decisions.
Support, What’s That?
Every now and then, we all need a shoulder to lean on and even grown kids do. Parents who are absent during the tough times or are emotionally unavailable come off as distant; or worse, uncaring. Support goes a long way in strengthening any relationship. It’s no different with your adult children.
Privacy Please
Just because you’re family doesn’t mean it’s okay to invade your adult children’s privacy. It doesn’t matter if you’re prying into their financial matters or personal relationships for their best interest; you’re going to end up on the receiving end of a cold shoulder. You have to give your family members the space they deserve.
Boundaries? What Boundaries?
Similarly, respecting personal space is important even with your kids. If you’re a parent who shows up unannounced or gives unsolicited advice, don’t be surprised if your calls go to voicemail more often than not. Even overstepping in personal decisions is bad; you have to find the balance.
Love with Strings Attached
When love comes with conditions, like only being proud if your kids land a big job or marry the right person, it’ll strain the relationship. Unconditional love means accepting & loving your kids for who they are, not what they achieve. You chose to love them this way when you became their parent and you have to follow through with this promise.
Saying Sorry Seems Impossible
It’s hard to admit when you’re wrong but not apologizing when you’ve messed up can leave a lasting mark on relationships. Parents who can’t own up to their mistakes may end up pushing their kids further away. Eventually, those issues will pile up over time without resolution and cause greater distance.
Can’t Rely on You
Reliability is vital. When parents frequently break promises and flake on their commitments, it shakes their adult children’s faith in them. After all, consistency is a key ingredient of trust. Without it, relationships will fray at the edges & that’s enough to completely destroy any parent-child bond.
Grandkids Aren’t on the Radar
For grandparents, showing interest in their grandchildren is also important. Parents who don’t make an effort to connect with their grandkids often will miss out on family birthdays, yes; they’ll also drift apart from their own kids too. Treat them like your own children and show them you’re interested.
Partner Pass
If your kid has chosen a life partner, you should never brush off their importance. Why? Because accepting your adult children’s partners as part of the family can reduce a lot of tension and heartache. Think of it this way: you’re not trying to shrink the family circle but rather extend it. The more, the merrier.
Your Achievements Don’t Matter Here
Everyone has experienced the pain of at least one big moment going unrecognized. It feels pretty lousy. Parents who fail to celebrate, or even acknowledge, their adult children’s achievements make them feel undervalued. You should celebrate the big and small victories. This way, your kids know they matter.
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