Most grandparents have no desire to upset their families, so they just let things go. A few weeks ago I sat down with a small group of grandparents in a community center where I volunteer. As they shared their stories with me, I saw how, through years of keeping the peace, they have all mastered the skill of letting awkward situations pass. Here are twelve things they confessed they usually fake enjoying to avoid upsetting family.
Kids touching their carefully arranged shelves
Many of them chuckled about this. They love having their grandchildren around, but the little hands displacing ornaments or picture frames make them quietly anxious. One grandmother explained that she stalks the child around “with her eyes more than her feet.” They continue smiling, but the clutter and breakages annoys them more than they like to say.
Video calls that drag on longer than expected
Some talked about how exhausting it is to be on a long call. Holding the phone is a pain in their wrists and it strains their eyes. But none of them will admit it. They don’t want to seem ungrateful and unhappy for kids wanting to spend time with them. One grandfather said he slowly brings the phone down, hoping no one will notice.
Getting gadgets they never wanted
They’re glad you asked, but a new device is homework. One of them said, “I know it’s helpful, but I never asked for a puzzle.” Most of these things end up sitting on a table, untouched. Learning how to use them is anxiety-producing.
Family members fixing their kitchen
All the grandparents in the group agreed on this one. They find it creepy when people rearrange their kitchen “to help.” Their fingers instinctively know where everything is. One granny confessed to waiting until everyone has left, then putting back every single item.
Being served huge meals out of love
They claimed to eat whatever is placed in front of them so that nobody would feel guilty, even if they’re stuffed. Appetites shrink with age, but they don’t want to let anyone down. “I chew slowly so they won’t notice I’m struggling with my meal,” a grandfather mumbled.
Loud surprise visits
They love company, but not the sudden burst of noise and movement. One grandmother said she needs a minute of quiet after everyone leaves, just to settle her heartbeat. They act excited, but the chaos takes a toll.
Clothes that aren’t comfortable
They try to act appreciative, but most clothes you gift them often end up stuffed in a drawer. Lots of them said they prefer loose, soft fabrics these days. “If it scratches even a little, I’m not wearing it, no matter how pretty,” one grandmother said.
Toddlers playing rough around their special furniture
They giggle right along, but you can tell they’re watching those breakable items. Some grandpas and grandmas mentioned having old wooden chairs or tables from their parents’ homes. They’d feel like they lost a memory if they got broken.
Babysitting with no clear end time
They love their grandkids, but not knowing when it will end is exhausting for them. One grandmother mentioned she keeps peeking at the clock while playing, just thinking about when she will be finished. They don’t want to say no, but the ambiguity drains them in silence.
Telling them to “just sit back and relax” when others do their tasks
They don’t mind assistance, but they hate feeling idle. One grandfather mentioned that watering plants and folding laundry helps him feel productive. When someone else takes over everything, they feel displaced even if it comes from a place of love.
Family road trips planned without consulting them
All the senior women I asked concurred: prolonged sitting is torture. But they don’t want to ruin family outings. One woman said she readily agrees, then struggles in the car seat, during the first hour, while everyone else is blissfully unaware.
Being talked over or explained for
This was more irritating to them than they cared to admit. They said it makes them feel invisible, like people think they can’t speak for themselves. One grandpa said he just stays quiet, because it’s rude to correct someone.
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