Honestly, resolving a conflict is a lot like defusing a ticking time bomb—except instead of wires & explosives, you’re dealing with emotions and words. And who’s the best at handling high-stakes, explosive situations? Hostage negotiators of course! They have to work in some of the most tense situations yet they still manage to talk people down using nothing but their wits. Here are ten conflict resolution secrets we could learn from hostage negotiators.
Featured Image Credit: AndreyKr /Depositphotos.com.
Building Rapport
Just how do negotiators manage to connect with people in crisis? It’s because they make it a point to find common ground—even in the most unlikely situations. When you’re in a spat, finding something you agree on may turn the tide of the conversation by making it easier for everyone to get along.
Staying Calm
Hostage negotiators always seem rather calm and that’s not an accident. Being so cool helps them de-escalate tense situations because it shows you’re in control. As a result, the other person is more likely to settle down, too. No matter how aggravated they might seem, you have to keep your cool!
Like our content? Be sure to follow us.
Use of Silence
Silence is a rather powerful tool and in negotiations, moments of silence give people space to think. Usually, silence makes them reveal more than they intended. So the next time you’re in a disagreement, try pausing for a moment instead of rushing to fill the silence—you might be surprised by what the other person shares!
Empathy Without Agreement
Showing empathy without agreeing is difficult yet negotiators are experts at this. They acknowledge the other person’s feelings without saying they’re right. What makes this technique so useful is that it allows you to validate someone’s emotions without giving up your own stance. That’s rather useful when things are tense.
Strategic Questioning
Asking the right questions will steer a conversation in a positive direction. As such, hostage negotiators use open-ended questions to get people talking about what really matters to them. During a conflict, try asking questions that encourage the other person to open up as this may give you some unexpected solutions. You’ll also better understand each other’s perspectives.
Offering Choices
Giving options is rather important since it makes the other person feel in control—and part of the solution. Negotiators use such a tactic to move toward a peaceful resolution. Even in everyday disagreements, presenting choices will help you find a middle ground that works for everyone. After all, who doesn’t like having options?
Focusing on the Future
Negotiators understand that dwelling on the past doesn’t help so focus on what comes next. Taking a future-oriented approach moves the conversation from blaming to problem-solving and this makes it easier to find a way forward. You’re not letting the baggage of past mistakes slow you down. Instead, you’re working towards a happier future for everyone.
Maintaining Patience
Patience is the most important part of all in negotiations—rushing makes things worse. In your personal conflicts, take your time so that you understand the issue better & come up with a solution that everyone’s happy with. Give the problem some space! With a bit of patience, the solution becomes clearer and more agreeable for everyone involved.
Recognizing Non-Verbal Cues
One thing hostage negotiators are really good at is reading the room—or more accurately, reading the person they’re talking to. A lot of our communication comes from how we speak, rather than what we say. Things like body language & tone of voice tell how the other person’s really feeling. You should pay attention to these non-verbal cues so you understand what the other person is going through, even if they’re not spelling it out for you.
Establishing Clear Outcomes
Finally, clear outcomes are absolutely vital. Any ambiguity may create more disagreements down the line which is why negotiators aim to clarify what they’ve agreed upon, and so should you. This way, everyone knows exactly what’s expected moving forward. No guesswork, no assumptions—just a clear sense of what the goals are.
Disclaimer: This list is solely the author’s opinion based on research and publicly available information.
Like our content? Be sure to follow us.
Read More:
