Building trust can take years, but you can destroy a man’s feeling of security quickly by crossing these 15 boundaries.
Sharing his secrets
He tells you about his fears, his insecurities, and his past mistakes because he wants you to know his secrets. He doesn’t want you sharing that information with friends or family.
He’ll likely feel foolish for trusting you with his thoughts and become reluctant to confide in you again if you act that way.
And he could begin to hold back his emotions because he won’t feel secure enough to be vulnerable with you anymore.
Using his weaknesses
Things can get intense during arguments but personal secrets should never be used against your man. Mentioning something he confided in you to purposely hurt his feelings will bruise him.
And he will never trust you again because he will always question if everything he tells you will end up backfiring.
Breaking promises
Little promises may seem trivial, but breaking them over and over can alter how a man perceives you. If you say you are going to do something and never follow through, he will begin to not believe you when you speak.
Trust isn’t just about honesty; it’s about knowing your promises hold weight.
Altering the story
Altering your story when confronted will cause him to doubt what really went on. Little things can start to spiral into big problems when they occur over and over.
He may no longer believe what you say if he feels like he has to dig for the truth.
Keeping backup options
Messaging other people or keeping past flames on the DL will have him wondering if you’re playing hard to get or playing the field.
Even if you’re “just talking” or tossing it down on the apps, it can breed insecurity. It could make him wonder if you’re as dedicated to the relationship as he is.
Comparing him
Always saying how better your ex was than him will make anyone feel unwanted. It doesn’t matter if you’re comparing his earnings, his looks, his personality, or his lifestyle.
Making comparisons little by little will chip away at his confidence. No one wants to feel like they’re living up to someone from your past.
Being duplicitous
When you smile and clap for him around others but criticize and tear him down behind his back, it must feel bewildering.
You might find him doubting the authenticity of your cheers when you’re in public. And a relationship hits a rough patch when your partner can’t discern which of your personalities is authentic.
Playing by different rules
You hold him to a standard of keeping his word, communicating well, and contributing to the household, but you don’t apply those same expectations to yourself.
When there are different rules for each of you, it can seem unfair. Eventually he will no longer believe that you really care about equality in the relationship.
Playing mind games
Creating scenarios with troll accounts, hypothetical situations, or orchestrated traps to test his loyalty will ruin trust. He feels less like a teammate and more like you’re waiting for him to slip up.
Taking his wins for granted
When he achieves something he’s proud of, he hopes the person closest to him will share in his happiness.
Mocking him with sarcasm, acting like his goals don’t matter or yelling at him every time he tries to celebrate his victories will suck the happiness out of winning. He may stop telling you about his goals and accomplishments if this pattern continues.
Talking to your family
Don’t involve everyone in your relationship. Chronicling every argument to your parents and siblings will cause them to hold grudges against him, even after he and you make up.
Eventually, he will feel like your private relationship isn’t yours anymore because everyone around you gets to discuss it and give opinions on it.
Threatening to leave
Regularly stating that “maybe we should break up” when you get upset teaches your boyfriend that your relationship is unstable.
Constantly bringing up the possibility of ending things when you don’t get your way will erode his sense of security in your relationship. And when threats become the norm, problem-solving is sidelined as both individuals brace for the relationship’s next crisis.
Secreting away future plans
Decisions about children, marriage, jobs or where to live can impact a person’s entire life.
Going along with things you don’t actually agree with just to keep him is harmful. When your partner finds out the truth, he may feel like you stole years of his life building something that wasn’t true.
Secret spending
Secret credit cards, stealth debt and hidden spending habits are relationship wrecking moves you can do behind closed doors. Sure you may think you’re doing it for him, but when you hide financial decisions he questions everything else you tell him about money.
When your partner finds out about your secret stash he won’t just be hurt by the funds you hid, he’ll feel betrayed that you were okay keeping whole swaths of your life hidden from him.
Playing the victim
We all screw up sometimes. It’s what you do next that counts.
If you never apologize, make excuses or start blaming him when something goes wrong you’ll never be able to solve any problem. He will even stop voicing his concerns because he knows you will just turn it around and blame him.
Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.
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