It takes surprisingly little time for people to start reading you, and some of the clues they notice aren’t the ones you’d expect.
On the way in
People will notice if you allow a door to swing in their face, stand inelegantly holding it from 20 feet away, or subtly look back and assess the situation instinctively. It can instantly convey that you notice others sharing your environment.
Reading the room
It’s not just about whether your voice comes across as confident. People hear when you instinctively modulate your volume to suit your surroundings. You can’t miss someone who’s talking at restaurant-level volume in a quiet office (or whispering when everyone else is talking normally). Social awareness can sound like knowing just how loud to be.
Claiming your corner
Notice what happens when someone sits down at a shared table. Do they automatically spread their phone, purse, sunglasses, and keys across every open spot or naturally make room for others? How much space a person thinks they deserve to take up can tell you quite a bit in a matter of seconds.
Right after hello
You meet someone, and five seconds later you can’t remember their name. Or even worse, you act as if you never heard it to begin with. People remember when you repeat their name, stumble on how to say a new one, or ask instead of confidently getting it wrong.
The first contact
Your handshake can set you apart before you’ve even had a chance to start a conversation. Many people can subconsciously sense if your handshake is relaxed and firm, unnaturally limp, or too hard that it causes discomfort. The best handshakes feel natural and meet the other person’s energy without overpowering a greeting.
Across the room
Walk into a room with a boss, receptionist, cleaner, and several strangers. Where you look first can say a lot about you. Some people instantly look for whoever has the highest status. Some will make eye contact with whoever is standing right in front of them. We are remarkably skilled at detecting when someone varies their friendliness based on status.
Nothing to say
Some people cannot stand just a couple of seconds of silence and will instantly feel the urge to pull out their phone, babble about nothing or squirm uncomfortably. People who can allow silence to just be seem more confident. There is no need to fill every gap in conversation to show that you are okay with socializing.
Passing by
Two strangers walk towards one another down a narrow hallway or crowded sidewalk. Do you slightly move out of their way, wait for them to magically vanish from your path, or do that embarrassing tiny bit-of-stretching-right-before-you-pass shuffle? These micro-interactions that happen often silently communicate your sensitivity to others.
A few minutes to spare
How someone acts when waiting for something can tell you a lot about them. Heavy sighing, foot tapping, clock checking, inching forward in line, and looking like you want to strangle someone after half a minute all communicate impatience. Someone who waits patiently without signaling the world about their angst typically looks more serene than they believe.
What comes out next
The first personal detail you share isn’t about your job or hometown. Sometimes it’s what you hate. You might find that someone wants to tell you first what irritates them. Grievances about traffic, weather, restaurants, coworkers, prices, or general ignorance can cast a dark mood rather quickly. It takes two seconds to whine about something that bothers you, but constant complaining can be your first impression.
The funny part
Humor gives you information about a person quicker than most things do. People can tell if you laugh at yourself, if you like silly nonsense, or if you’re at your liveliest when the joke is at someone else’s expense. What makes a person laugh can show warmth, insecurity, meanness, or goofiness quicker than polite small talk sometimes allows.
Before the full stop
Excited interruptions are one thing. But constantly interrupting someone before they finish a sentence just seems rude. People can tell right away if you’re listening or just waiting for a big enough opening to wedge your anecdote into. Someone who always lets others finish their thoughts can seem weirdly chatty.
A small favor
Someone holds the elevator for you, moves their chair, gives you directions, or picks something up you dropped. Your reaction may be two seconds long, but people can tell if gratitude flows spontaneously. Sometimes it can be just as telling how well you accept a tiny kindness as how freely you bestow one.
Not quite right
You tell someone a meeting begins at three, and someone quietly informs you that it starts at two. Do you chuckle and admit your error, quickly offer an excuse, or spend the next minute explaining how yours wasn’t actually an error? People will figure out fast if having you corrected offends your ego.
The feeling around you
This can be difficult to describe because it isn’t one action you do. Some people unconsciously make slight alterations, like moving your bag, introducing who they were talking about, clarifying a private joke, slowing down when someone looks lost, and switching topics when another person seems uncomfortable. People won’t know what you did specifically, but many will notice almost immediately that being around you feels weirdly comfortable.
Like our content? Be sure to follow us.
11 ways people ruin their own first impressions
We decide what we think of people in a matter of seconds. That’s just how our brains work. But a few things can tip the scales negatively, and they’re usually things that we don’t even realize that we’re doing. Here are eleven ways people ruin their own first impressions, backed by science. Are you guilty of doing these?
