We decide what we think of people in a matter of seconds. That’s just how our brains work. But a few things can tip the scales negatively, and they’re usually things that we don’t even realize that we’re doing. Here are eleven ways people ruin their own first impressions, backed by science. Are you guilty of doing these?
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Racing or dragging your words
Talking too fast makes it seem like you’re rushing to get your words out. However, talking too slowly makes you seem nervous. Studies on speech pacing show people respond best when it’s somewhere in the middle. As such, how fast you speak can seriously affect people’s first impressions of you. Think of it like music. Timing matters.
Turning statements into questions
You may have heard someone say their own name like it’s a question by raising their tone. That’s called “uptalk.” Research shows people hear it as a sign of uncertainty when people uptalk on plain statements, although it doesn’t always hurt. Yet saying “I work in finance?” doesn’t hit the same way as “I work in finance” when you first meet someone.
Fussing with your face or hair
Nervous habits are more obvious than you might think. These include touching your face & tugging your hair, which studies link to anxiety and stress. People pick up on it. In fact, doing it a lot during an introduction could mean that the other person walks away remembering that you were nervous, rather than the conversation you had. How unfortunate.
Showing up with food or drinks in hand
Sure, walking in with a latte or sandwich may seem casual, but it pulls focus fast. People tend to notice the cup more than your hello. It creates the impression that you’re not as focused on the conversation & makes them think that talking to them isn’t your top priority. You don’t have to swear off caffeine forever. Just maybe not during that very first moment.
Talking too much about the commute
Traffic & parking are easy topics to talk about. Yet they land flat. When the first thing out of your mouth is how bad the drive was, it sets a negative tone that people start associating with you. It doesn’t matter that you think you’re just making conversation. The other person feels like you’re giving them a complaint before a connection, and that’s not a great way to start.
Over-apologizing for nothing
A casual “sorry” here & there usually doesn’t seem like much…until it’s the very first thing you say. Apologizing for bumping into a chair or speaking up undercuts your confidence. In fact, research shows that people who over-apologize are seen as less authoritative, even when they’re competent.
Checking the time too often
It’s easy to forget how obvious it is when you sneak a quick look at your phone or watch. Just tiny glances to see what time it is suggests that you’d rather be elsewhere. It’s worse when this happens at the start of a meeting. It makes people feel like they’re already second place on your list, so they’re less likely to want to speak to you again.
Replying too fast to every comment
Snappy responses may seem efficient. However, they can come across as canned. Research on conversational timing proves that leaving a short pause makes your replies sound more thoughtful & natural. People who jump in without a pause? Yeah, they’re often seen as nervous or overeager.
Holding an awkward pause before speaking
At the same time, you shouldn’t leave things too quiet. Gaps longer than about two seconds feel uncomfortable. When you first meet someone, pausing for too long makes you come across as hesitant or unsure. Most people don’t even notice they’re doing it. Yet other people register the awkwardness immediately.
Holding objects like a shield
Holding something in your hands, whether it’s a bag or a notebook, isn’t a problem. Using these as a shield is. Yes, you might feel comfortable, but holding these items sets up a wall you probably don’t mean. Studies show people notice right away. They start thinking you’re trying to create a barrier & some distance with them in those opening moments.
Looking around too much while talking
When your eyes are darting across the room while you’re mid-sentence, people pick up on it. It signals distraction at best. At worst, it shows a lack of interest, even though you might just be nervous. Soon enough, people view you as being somewhere else mentally. That takes away from that early sense of connection.
Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.
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