Most diners really do mean well when they go out to eat. They try to be polite to servers, often doing little things they think are helpful. But after talking to a few waiters, it turns out some of those “polite” habits actually make the job more stressful instead of easier. So here are 13 polite things customers do that make servers frustrated.
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Stacking plates
Piling a tower of dishes at the end of the meal feels helpful. But servers often have a personal system for balancing plates, and mismatched towers just create more work. What feels like a considerate gesture usually just makes the pile harder to carry.
Waving to get attention
A quick wave might seem polite compared to shouting, but it can feel distracting when they’re helping someone else. Servers usually notice what’s happening in the room and will get to you as soon as possible. The wave just adds pressure.
Handing over dirty dishes
Handing over a used plate or glass directly to the server feels efficient. But it also can throw them off their rhythm. Most servers are taught to clear a table in a certain order for maximum efficiency. Having dishes shoved at them from across the table can be awkward or even messy.
Ordering for the whole table
Letting one person do all the talking can often cause confusion and double orders. Servers appreciate hearing each diner’s order directly from them. It also helps avoid mistakes, which actually saves time in the long run.
Over-apologizing
Throwing an “excuse me” or “sorry to bother you” on every request seems polite. The problem is, servers expect you to ask for things: literally why they’re there. Constant apologies also make a simple interaction feel unnecessarily weighted.
Moving tables and chairs
Helping your table into place so that everyone can jam in can seem helpful. The issue is, this often means blocking pathways or cutting off access to other tables. Servers would much rather adjust the seating arrangement for you, so that everything stays safe and tidy.
Special requests at the wrong time
Waiting until your waiter is walking away to ask about substitutions or special requests can feel like you’re “catching them before they go.” But this usually requires redoing the entire ticket, and puts them way behind. It’s always best to do all requests up front.
Asking for water refills one by one
Waiting until your glass is empty to ask for more water seems polite. But if each person in a group does this, it means the server has to make the trek back and forth all night. It’s much easier (and faster) to ask for refills for everyone at the same time.
Staying extra long at the table
Lingering and chatting up the server because you’re enjoying the great service, especially if you plan to tip well, seems harmless. But for waiters, it can mean losing out on a new table and new tips. What feels like relaxed enjoyment to you is lost income for them.
“Helping” with the tray
Grabbing a drink or a plate off a waiter’s tray is often meant as kindness. But since they’re holding their tray a certain way, this can cause an accident. There’s a risk your glass will spill, or you’ll grab a hot pan with your bare hand. The best way to help with the tray is to allow the server to set it down for you.
Cleaning the table yourself
Putting all of your trash, napkins, and used cups in one neat pile at the end of the meal can feel like you’re helping them clean up quickly. The problem is, it often ends up sticky, soggy, or harder to separate. Servers actually have a system to loading dishes for unloading.
Pointing out how busy they look
Commenting, “Wow, you must be so busy tonight,” may seem like an understanding thing to say. In reality, it often just adds to their stress. Waiters know they’re busy, and are often grateful for your patience.
Whispering orders to be polite
Customers sometimes think it’s polite to keep their volume down so they don’t disturb the rest of the table. The problem? The server can’t hear. Whispering often leads to orders being repeated or taken incorrectly.
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