To have a successful long-term marriage, you need to drop old behavioral patterns, mindsets, and safety nets from your single life that could slowly disconnect two people from each other.
Advice from the sidelines
Single friends tend to look at problems from a one-person perspective. They fail to see how two people have to compromise in marriage. Taking relationship advice from friends who haven’t a clue what it takes to stay married will only cause drama and drive you and your spouse further apart.
Thinking like one
Before marriage, you can make life decisions based on what works for you. But once your finances, home, schedule, and future are tied up with another person, decisions like changing careers, buying something big, or moving should not be news that you drop on them after you’ve already made up your mind. You should still be independent, but big decisions affect two people now.
Money in the shadows
Keeping debts secret, making big purchases without telling your partner, or maintaining secret bank accounts are surefire ways to destroy trust. Financial secrets cause ongoing stress, intense anger, and resentment that will spill over into every area of your relationship.
You should be 100% open with your partner about your earnings, debt, and spending habits. The important thing is that both partners know what’s going on with the finances that impact their future.
Keeping a spare
Remaining emotionally connected with exes, flirting with your coworker, or keeping old crushes on standby just in case means you aren’t fully invested in your marriage.
Emotional safety nets keep you with one foot out the door and prevent you from fully trusting your spouse. In order for a marriage to last, you need to set strong boundaries with others.
Waiting to be understood
“He should know why I’m angry” seems logical if you’ve been married for decades. But even the most loving husband can’t read your mind. Silent expectations become frustration and bitterness. Most times it’s better to verbalize what you want.
The family hotline
Venting to your mother, sister, or best friend after every disagreement can backfire. You might vent about everything your husband said while angry and then forgive him tomorrow morning, but your family may not forget those words for years. While serious issues may need outside counseling, normal marital spats don’t necessarily require an audience of family.
The permanent scorecard
Approaching marriage as if it were a scorecard by keeping tabs on who did more wrong will eventually destroy the relationship. Bringing back issues that have already been forgiven in order to win an argument destroys the conflict resolution process and keeps the relationship locked in the past.
Someone else’s marriage
Comparing your imperfect real-life relationship to the smiling photographs people share on social media will unnecessarily make you dislike your relationship. Online posts tend to highlight the best parts of someone’s life as a couple; they conceal the arguments, the bad days, the bills, and the chores.
Comparing yourself to these illusions will set you up for false expectations and take your mind off of the love you have at home.
Always coming second
You should care about your career and have interests outside of your marriage. However, consistently placing them before your marriage will drive you and your spouse away from each other.
When all your spouse gets is the tired, wind-down version of you at the end of the day, they will feel isolated and abandoned. Make sure to save time and energy that you can spend together.
One person, every role
Your spouse can’t be your best friend, accountant, therapist, gym buddy, and source of everything that makes you happy. Asking one person to fulfill all those roles is too much pressure. Having healthy, outside friendships and interests can strengthen your marriage.
The perfect wife
Doing everything you can to prove that you are a perfect wife can be a job in itself. Cooking gourmet dinners when you’re tired, maintaining a Pinterest-worthy home, never needing assistance, and making it look like it’s all easy can set expectations you grow to hate. Marriage shouldn’t be a show that needs five-star ratings.
The exit threat
It might feel like saying “Maybe we should just get divorced” in the middle of an argument is just another angrily shouted sentence. But this statement packs a heavier punch.
Constantly threatening your marriage itself can make arguments feel unsafe. Your partner will never know if they messed up too much and your relationship is on solid ground. If divorce is on the table, then it should be discussed in a calm, collected conversation.
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13 things you should never do with another woman as a married man
Most marriages crack not because of one huge mistake, but because they start changing in places that seem harmless, and it often starts with married men crossing the line.
13 things you should never do with another woman as a married man
