One day, I decided to see what objects had led to big family fights for other people, so I asked around online. I got some real responses, some were hilarious, some really sad. What struck me most, though, was how much agony could be contained in one little thing. It wasn’t the object people were fighting about; it was what that object represented.
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Old wedding rings
Wedding rings with just a bit of gold, or even rings you could buy at a dollar store can cause serious fissures when someone dies. They’re not priceless antiques; it’s just a plain band. But they can represent the best of our bonds. Families can fight over them, because they are so personal.
Family Bibles with names written inside
Family Bibles are those dusty, cracking, yellowed tomes with pages of births, deaths, marriages and dates, stretching through the years.
It becomes a cherished keepsake even if the binding is falling apart. After the owner has died, it can become the center of family conflict because of what it represents.
Military medals or uniforms
Veterans sometimes leave behind medals or uniforms that can be surprisingly controversial items to divide.
Medals are rarely worth anything, but they’re important symbols of pride and respect. Everyone wants to be the person that can be trusted to keep them safe. And that turns their meaning into conflict.
The family house keys
Believe it or not, people have actually fought over the original keys to family homes that no longer exist. They can’t open a single door in the house anymore, but they unlock memories of childhood and family gatherings.
Old photo negatives or undeveloped film rolls
A box of undeveloped film or old photo negatives can start a battle royale. At the start, no one can remember who the photos are of or who took them, but people fight over who should keep it anyway.
Film has such emotional and privacy value to many people in any form that simply opening that box can be like a security breach. In many cases, the mix of mystery, nostalgia, and privacy is more than enough to turn a sentimental family fight into a bitter feud.
Certificates and school report cards
Report cards can get pretty emotional too. Yellowed, and long forgotten, those little bits of paper are heavy with the weight of effort, attention, and time that will never come again.
Someone wants to be the keeper of those memories, and that is why the reports end up being an argument, not the papers themselves.
Tourist souvenirs (plates, spoons, mugs)
Look in every family’s cupboard and you’ll find a stack of cheap tourist plates and mugs. Each one looks like it costs a dollar, but the memories it holds are priceless.
Each family member will remember a different vacation, a different person laughing. This means no one wants all of them, but everyone wants the one plate that feels like “theirs”.
Garden tools or old lawn ornaments
Amidst the chaos of estate cleanouts, people have been known to get into fist-fights over bizarre heirlooms: an old rake, a rusty birdbath, even a stone drain gnome.
Those items bring back memories of their parents or grandparents out in the yard, bending over in the sun, chatting for hours. “Keeping it in the family” is great until emotions get involved.
Handmade quilts or crocheted blankets
Quilts are made of family stories, and each scrap of fabric has memories sewn into it. They may be faded, but they hold love and memories.
Because you can’t divide them, everyone wants to be the one to keep them. It’s love, not greed, that sparks such fights.
Items from a parent’s everyday life
Old glasses, a wallet, even a watch, things like these can be the root of bitter disputes. They were part of your dad’s or mom’s daily life, a part of their touch and being.
When they’re gone, all the siblings might want those items simply to feel close to them again. Mundane items, yet somehow sacred.
Pet ashes or collars
Pet parents are often wracked with indecision on what to do with a pet’s remains. After the pet dies, a tiny urn or collar is the only thing left in the world to someone who lavished love on that animal.
They are worthless, but they are filled with love and loss, and it can feel like splitting up love itself to decide who keeps what.
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