Relationship counselors see these eleven old fashioned habits sucking the life out of relationships all the time.
Keeping money matters separate
Keeping separate bank accounts from your partner isn’t always an issue. However, problems can occur if you conceal large purchases, debt, or financial decisions from your partner. Your partner might feel excluded if they’re kept in the dark about spending.
When money issues and arguments over debt arise, it can really strain a relationship. While couples needn’t pool all their funds, they ought to be upfront about major purchases.
Making them guess
Hinting at or dropping clues instead of telling your partner what you want can create a minor problem into something huge.
Sometimes, we drop hints because we’re hesitant to directly state our desires. However, your partner might not pick up on your hints and both of you could end up irritated. Simply telling your partner what you want can be much easier.
That way, they won’t have to guess what you’re asking for, they’ll just know.
Gendered chore roles
Man cleans the garage, cuts the grass, and takes care of the car. Woman cooks, cleans the house, and does the laundry. Okay, some traditional couples swear by this arrangement. But plenty of others find that it sets up resentment.
Studies show that couples unhappy with how chores are split tend to be less content in their relationships. Ultimately, it’s not about who does what. Ultimately, the question is whether the division feels fair to both partners. If you’re both happy with the arrangement, then it’s great. Stick with the traditional roles.
Punishing with silence
It can be healthy to take a break from an argument to calm down. This is particularly true if both partners are good with taking a breather and circling back to the discussion. Continuously ignoring your spouse is another matter entirely.
The continual withdrawal or “stonewalling” from arguments has been shown to lead to worse relationship outcomes and even predicted divorce in longitudinal studies. The issue isn’t taking a break to cool off. It’s not taking a pause, but rather using silence as a weapon or a means of escape from problem-solving that’s the concern.
Sacrificing every friendship and hobby
Having friendships and hobbies outside of your marriage is important.
Just because your spouse is your best friend doesn’t mean you should throw away all of your other friendships. It’s also nice to have things that you like to do on your own.
Throwing away all of your friendships and hobbies can cause your relationship to become too codependent. If you maintain your own hobbies and friendships, you will be able to keep your sense of self. It also allows you to bring new and different things to the relationship.
Staying together for kids
Your parents or grandparents may have been told that staying together “for the kids” was best no matter what. But kids can thrive in a divorced family much better than living in conflict.
Studies have shown that ongoing and unhealthy conflict between parents can harm children’s emotional and behavioral well-being. While divorce can cause problems too, it depends on factors like the amount of conflict, parenting quality, financial situation, and the child’s adaptation to the separation.
Staying together for the sake of the kids is not always in the kids’ best interest.
Pressuring for physical intimacy
Physical intimacy can become problematic in your relationship if you feel pressured to have it when you don’t want to. It can also be unhealthy if one partner uses s** or refuses it to manipulate or control the other person.
Studies have shown that s** feeling like an obligation is associated with less relationship satisfaction, while physical autonomy, responsiveness, and lack of pressure were shown to be beneficial.
Bringing family in
Your parents and siblings can be great sources of support, but dragging them into every argument with your spouse can cause additional problems.
Issues can develop when family members are enlisted to take sides, coach one spouse, or make decisions for the couple. Furthermore, research indicated that conflicts regarding in-law relationships correlated with marital instability.
Allowing your spouse to maintain close family ties is perfectly fine as long as you two are able to make major decisions independently.
Holding grudges about past fights
When you keep bringing up old fights during disagreements, it complicates finding a solution for today’s problem.
Some people hold their grievances inside rather than confronting them in the moment. Then, when a minor issue comes up, they might unleash some resentment from years ago.
According to experts, bad communication habits are frequently a source of relationship strife. Couples may experience healthier arguments if they don’t bank away frustrations.
Hoping they’ll change
You may hope your partner will eventually snap out of being angry, careless or hurting your feelings. But hoping they’ll change likely won’t fix the issue.
Parts of our personality can evolve as we age, and studies show people can also change when they really want to. However, that doesn’t mean significant relationship problems will magically get better over time.
When your partner repeatedly does things that bother or hurt you, change will take awareness (and probably some effort). Sometimes talking it out and/or seeking professional help may be necessary as well.
Minimizing their feelings
Telling your partner that they’re being dramatic may be effective in the short term if your partner always rolls over and apologizes. But if you repeatedly call your partner irrational or overly sensitive when they show legitimate distress, it will probably become harder for them to share their feelings with you over time.
You and your partner don’t need to agree on every little feeling or thought interpretation. However, research indicates that feeling understood, validated, and cared for by your partner is important for relationship satisfaction.
Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.
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A marriage may be in trouble when a wife stops practicing these 10 daily habits
The big arguments are nowhere near as important as the small routines in a marriage, and when a few of them start to disappear, you know that the relationship’s headed for disaster.
A marriage may be in trouble when a wife stops practicing these 10 daily habits
