The big arguments are nowhere near as important as the small routines in a marriage, and when a few of them start to disappear, you know that the relationship’s headed for disaster.
When the small circle stays in the dish
A wedding ring is small, yes, but if the habits around it change, something’s not quite right. It’s a little strange when a woman who wore her wedding ring every day for years decides to stop wearing it.
Maybe she’s got a good reason, like swollen fingers or an allergic reaction, that’s not a problem. But when there are no excuses for why she’s stopped wearing her ring? It could mean that she’s trying to create distance between herself and her man.
Before the lamp goes off
‘Goodnight.’ It’s such a short phrase with such a big meaning, especially when a woman stops saying it. Women who stop saying goodnight to their partners, even though they used to do it, might have a reason for doing so.
It could mean they’ve stopped caring about their partners. If she quits saying goodnight and just rolls over in silence, it’s definitely not a good sign, although forgetting once or twice isn’t a big deal. It’s only an issue when she completely stops doing it altogether.
A clock that stops matching
The time when she goes to bed matters, too. You can’t always go to sleep at the same time because, yes, stuff happens, and each of you might have a billion things to do. That doesn’t mean you should stop trying to end the day together, or that she should find excuses not to.
It’s quite a personal change. You might notice that she stays downstairs for longer or suddenly starts talking about how she’s ‘not tired yet’ every night. It could be nothing, of course. But it could also be a warning sign that your new normal involves not spending time together.
Two dinners, one house
Let’s get one thing straight, dinner doesn’t need to involve candles or huge meals for it to be special. Just having a meal together every night can be good on its own. But married couples who start eating their dinner apart or in separate rooms? Their relationship’s in trouble.
It’s a different story if you don’t usually eat together, maybe because you have different schedules. We’re not talking about those couples. We’re talking about the ones who used to sit down at the same time, but now, live on two different planets during meal times.
Where the keys used to land
There was a time when she used to move his glasses to the nightstand and put his keys in the bowl. Not because she was his assistant or anything, definitely not, but because they lived together and she wanted to make his life easier. Their stuff crossed paths.
That’s part of the reason why it’s such a red flag when she stops touching his stuff and quits bothering with making things better for him. She’s essentially splitting their things into her things and his problems. Hardly the recipe for a happy marriage, is it?
Space that wasn’t empty before
It’s completely normal for beds to collect things, even stuff that’s not supposed to belong there, like books and socks. Keeping one side of the bed open for the other person becomes a habit. You keep trying to make sure you don’t put too much stuff on their side of the bed.
However, it’s a warning sign when a woman quits doing that. It’s a problem when she starts piling his side with pillows and laundry, or anything she can find, because it suggests she’s trying to crowd him out. She’s trying to create a space that doesn’t involve him.
When the sink gets divided
Nobody likes doing dishes. That’s basically a fact. But you should pay serious attention if you notice a woman quits doing shared dishes and only ever washes her own. No, it’s not because that’s her role as a woman. It’s not the 1950s, after all.
It’s more because doing your own dishes and ignoring someone else’s shows how much you think of them, or how little you actually think about them. You don’t care that their stuff gets cleaned. You don’t care about them at all, really.
Somewhere in the dark
It’s not realistic to expect a couple to spend all night cuddling in bed. One of you will get hot, one of you will steal the blanket, it’s completely normal stuff. What’s not so normal is when she used to turn toward you when sleeping, but now she deliberately faces away.
Even if she only used to face you for three seconds, it’s pretty telling when she stops doing that completely. She’s choosing to face the wall because she’d much rather see that than look at your face. That’s not a sign of a woman who’s still madly in love.
A room change no one planned
It’s not an immediate red flag if you start sleeping in separate beds, because sometimes, that’s the best course of action. Maybe one of you snores, maybe one of you has night terrors, whatever. The real issue comes when she sleeps in another room without telling you why.
She doesn’t give you a reason why she’s on the couch tonight or why she slept in the guest room two nights in a row, she just does it. It’s no longer something practical. No, it’s very likely she’s choosing to sleep there because she doesn’t want to wake up to you anymore.
One last thread before sleep
You don’t need a big romantic gesture at the end of the day, but you do need some kind of connection. It might be a quick kiss, or it might be one of those sleepy comments that barely works as a sentence. The kind of action doesn’t matter, the fact that it happens does.
A woman who stops making these bids for connection probably isn’t feeling the best about her marriage. She’s fine to leave the day on a colder ending because that’s how she feels about her relationship. Cold.
Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.
13 things wives do in marriage that would be grounds for divorce if husbands did them
A lot of women get away with things in their marriages because they’re treated as jokes or normal wife behavior, but it’d be a completely different story if the roles were reversed.
13 things wives do in marriage that would be grounds for divorce if husbands did them
