For every ordinary instruction God gave in the Bible, there are plenty more that’d make even the strongest believer wonder what on Earth was going on.
Names nobody would forget
Most parents get to choose a name for their kids. Hosea didn’t. He didn’t even get to choose nice names for his kids because God gave him three names to use. They were all connected to what was going on with Israel.Â
Hosea’s son had to be called Jezreel because it was a name linked to bloodshed and the end of Jehu’s royal line. His daughter became Lo-Ruhamah. It wasn’t the nicest name, it means ‘no mercy’ or ‘not loved.’ Then came Lo-Ammi, and that meant ‘not my people.’
Several trips for one garment
God even had rules about what people could wear, and Jeremiah knew all about that. He was told to buy a linen undergarment and put it on. That wasn’t all, because God also said he had to avoid washing it, then take the garment to Perath, and hide it inside a crack in the rocks.
He had to leave it there. He had to return much later to dig it up. As you might expect, it was completely ruined and useless, but there was a reason for that. God wanted to use the rotten fabric as a symbol of Judah and Jerusalem’s pride after the people refused to listen.
Words became breakfast
You’d expect to read a scroll if someone handed it to you. That’s not what happened to Ezekiel, though. He was given a double-sided scroll that was filled with words of mourning and sadness. But instead of reading it, God told him to eat it. Yes, eat it. He did exactly that.
Ezekiel opened his mouth and swallowed the scroll, saying it tasted as sweet as honey. Not exactly what you expect from a scroll, but there you go. He was sent to speak to the Israelites living in exile after he’d done all that.
An exit made by hand
That wasn’t the end for Ezekiel, far from it, in fact. God told him to pack a travel bag and act like he was being forced from his home. He had to carry his belongings outside, exactly where the exiles could see him, and wait. He waited until evening.Â
Next, God said that he had to dig a hole through a wall and climb through it with just his baggage on his shoulder. He also had to cover his face the whole time, just so he couldn’t see the land. Think of it like a public performance. Except, you know, a very gloomy one.Â
Three carefully chosen spots
Becoming a priest should be something spiritual, and something amazing. Not for Aaron and his sons. God told them that, as part of the ceremony, Moses had to put blood on them in three very specific places. He started it by killing a ram.
He had put some of it on each man’s right earlobe, right thumb, and right big toe. He wasn’t allowed to put it on the left side, or the whole hand or foot. That’d be completely wrong, apparently.
Stone blades beside the Jordan
Joshua had already been through a lot after he crossed the Jordan River. God didn’t exactly reward him, however, as he told him to make flint knives. He had to circumcise the Israelite men with them.Â
It wasn’t for all the Israelites, though, as the older generation that left Egypt had already been circumcised. Most of the younger men born during the 40 years in the wilderness were fresh pickings. Joshua did it out at a place called Gibeath Haaraloth, translating to ‘hill of foreskins.’
The army stopped for water
22,000 frightened men went home, leaving 10,000 men left to fight in Gideon’s army. But God wasn’t happy with that because, apparently, there were too many people left. He told them to take the army down to the water. He had to watch how they drank.Â
The ones who knelt down were sent home. The 300 who scooped water up with their hands and brought it to their mouths were selected to continue fighting. Because it seems that even the way you drink is enough to be judged.
No striking required this time
That’s not all for water. Everyone was thirsty by the time Israel reached Kadesh, and they made sure to tell both Moses and Aaron directly to their faces. So God told them what to do. They had to take the staff, gather the people, and speak to the rock.Â
They had to do it while the Israelites watched. Moses was so angry and worn out by that point that he struck the rock twice, and water came out. God later told Moses and Aaron they wouldn’t bring Israel into the land, so it seems it wasn’t worth it.
A house needed seven splashes
Leviticus tells people not to avoid a weird stain in their houses. God said that a priest had to come and inspect any greenish or reddish marks that appeared on the walls, then empty the place. They’d shut it for seven days. After the time was up, they’d come back for another look.
If things still looked bad, they’d pull the stones out. Your walls would be scraped. That’s not all, however, because the priest would use two birds, cedar wood, scarlet yarn, and hyssop to clean it. That’s better than bleach, apparently.
A sermon aimed south
It’s time to look at some commandments for Ezekiel again. Seriously, God just couldn’t stop telling him some weird stuff. God told him to face south and speak against the forest of the southland. Pretty strange order because trees don’t exactly nod along.Â
The point here was that he was supposed to be warning Jerusalem and its sanctuary. He was supposed to be telling them about the land of Israel. It seems that talking to trees was the way to do that.
Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.
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