A marriage can be solid and happy, but still, a husband might have a few thoughts in his head that he’d rather keep private.
A small taste of the old freedom
Many married men have those days when they miss being able to make a decision for themselves. They miss not having to check anyone else’s calendar first. Not because they want out of the marriage, definitely not, but because they sometimes miss the freedom from before.
Spending a Saturday doing absolutely nothing only affected them. When you’re married, you have to share money and plans, along with chores and weekends. Married men understand that it’s part of the deal, but they miss being responsible for only one person. They’ll never admit it, though, because they know their wives would probably see it differently.
The question he can’t answer
Guys get a nasty little thought in their heads now and then. They wonder whether their wives could’ve done better. Yes, it’s a thought that usually pops up after they see one of their wives’ old friends doing well or hear how an ex is doing.
His brain soon starts filling in blanks and thinking things that aren’t really there. He may wonder why she chose him, for example, and might start questioning whether he was just the sensible option at the time. But it’d be too needy if he asked her about it. So, he keeps it private.
A thank-you still matters
Yes, most guys know that taking out the trash isn’t a big deal, nor are doing school pickup and fixing the sink. But hearing ‘thanks’ for doing it still feels quite good. That’s why many guys secretly wish they’d get some more recognition for the boring stuff they do every week.
They know they’re supposed to do these things, of course. Asking for praise would come across as rather childish, and they’ll often keep the request to themselves while saying it was ‘nothing.’
Company without connection
It doesn’t matter that two people are only six inches apart, because the truth is, they can still feel miles away. That’s something a lot of guys experience. They might be sitting right next to their wives, watching TV, yet secretly wonder when they stopped actually talking.
They want to know when they turned into the kind of couple that only has conversations about groceries, work schedules, kids, and bills. In other words, these guys want connection. It sounds like a simple request, but they’re not sure how to explain it without it sounding like blame.
The fear of not being needed
You’d be surprised at the number of men who are used to being the dependable person. You know, the one who carries the heavy box and fixes the car problems. But when a guy gets older, a lot of them start to worry whether they’ll still be able to fulfill these roles.
They fear their knees will stop cooperating with them, and that their kids won’t need rescuing anymore. You wouldn’t know that, though. No, these guys will joke about getting old, rather than admitting their very real feelings of worry underneath all of that.
What happens if he admits he’s scared?
It’s so easy to disguise fear, especially as a guy. They’ll dress it up as irritation or silence, maybe even repeated claims that they’re ‘fine.’ A lot of husbands have spent years trying to look dependable, so admitting that they’re scared about something feels like they’re breaking character.
They recognize that their wives would probably understand how they’re feeling, but unfortunately, that doesn’t always make admitting their fears easier. They’re worried their wives won’t see them the same way anymore, so all those fears get buried deep inside.
Somewhere behind all the roles
Many married men play the role of dad and husband pretty well. They might also be the driver and fixer, along with the bill payer and grill guy. They’re usually fine with those roles, but after a few years, it starts to cause problems.
Guys might start feeling less like themselves and more like a job title inside a relationship. They might love the roles, plenty of guys do, and they may enjoy being needed. The trouble is, they miss being the actual person who was underneath all of those jobs.
The silence he imagines later
Married men are fully aware that, one day, their house isn’t going to be so noisy, and that’s because there’ll be no school runs to do. There’ll be no kid drama and far fewer work stories. It’s a nice thought for a few seconds, but soon enough, guys start worrying.
They fear they won’t have anything to fill the quiet. Yes, guys are afraid that they won’t have anything left to talk about with their wives when life slows down a little. They won’t mention it, though. A conversation about these fears would get weird way, way too quickly.
He misses being chased a little
These sorts of guys remember a time when their wives would find an excuse to sit closer to them and send them messages that served absolutely no practical purpose. They miss those days.
That kind of flirting, which existed before they were married, felt so good. It was nice to know that his wife was trying to catch his attention. She has that attention now, though, but marriage has made affection feel a little too familiar.
A break that feels a little too good
Whenever guys get a weekend away, it usually comes with a rather difficult reminder. It makes a guy realize how nice it is to be on his own, without having to follow anybody else’s rules. He can do as he pleases.
A lot of married guys enjoy that experience more than they expect to, and that can make them feel a lot more guilty than they’d like to admit. They feel sad that they’re relieved to get a few hours off from being ‘Dad’ or ‘husband.’ Admitting that would sound terrible out loud, however.
Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.
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