Many times, the words you use can subtly influence how confident you come across to others, so here are several things that men unknowingly say that make them sound weaker.
Non-Committal Language
Using filler statements like “I’m not sure, but…” or “I kind of think…” creates a safety net for yourself that instantly backfires. Not only do you appear hesitant when you speak this way, but you’re telling your listener that you don’t want to own your ideas.
You might think you’re coming across as agreeable or flexible, but you’re really just showing no backbone. If you don’t sound like you believe in what you’re saying, then no one else will either. You should have the courage to state a fact or opinion, plain and simple.
Constant apologizing
There is a difference between being a gentleman and being a doormat. Saying “sorry” for things that are nobody’s fault, including someone bumping into you or tech difficulties during a presentation, indicates that you hold yourself responsible for the comfort of everyone around you while letting your own comfort needs slide.
We’ve all known that overly apologetic guy. It makes you appear high-strung and low value.
Real men know that they aren’t inconveniencing others by taking up space, so they save their apologies for when they legitimately make mistakes or hurt someone’s feelings.
Deflecting blame
The easiest way to spot a weak guy is when he won’t simply say, “I messed up.” Excusing your failures by blaming the system, your coworker, or bad luck shows that you are a victim in your own life story.
When something goes wrong, and you try to talk yourself out of taking responsibility, you look weak and petulant. A little boy makes excuses when his parent(s) tell him he’s in trouble.
A man who owns his mistakes, even when they’re embarrassing, gains more respect than if he were never wrong to begin with. Owning it proves you can handle reality.
Seeking validation
Ending your sentences with questions like “Does that make sense?” or “You know what I mean?” is basically asking the other person to verbally validate your performance. It signals to others that your confidence is hanging by a thread and needs constant verbal support from others just to survive.
Everyone loves a good storyteller, but if you ask for approval after every few sentences, you come across like you need someone to give you approval. Confidence is telling others what you think and allowing silence to linger. Not everyone will agree with you all the time, and that’s okay.
Chronic complaining
Everyone has bills to pay and problems to solve, but if you spend your day griping about how hard you have it then you sound defeated. Constantly using language that focuses on the problem instead of the solution is broadcasting to everyone that life has got you on the ropes.
“Poor me” language drains your listeners and makes you appear as if you have given up your power. A strong man can admit when there’s a problem, but he will spend ten times more energy on beating the issue than he will on crying over why it occurred.
Excessive self-depreciation
Everyone loves a good joke, but putting yourself down excessively is the lowest form of humor. If you describe yourself as “clumsy,” “idiot,” or a “loser” more times than you can count (even as a joke) then you are allowing others to mentally put you in that box.
You may think you sound humble or harmless, but what you’re actually doing is conditioning people not to respect you. Know the difference between joking around and beating yourself up.
It’s perfectly fine not to take yourself too seriously, but never let others think you don’t respect yourself either. We tend to treat others how they treat themselves.
Emotional reactivity
There is a reason tiny kids yell when they are angry. When a grown man loses his temper and yells, he is channeling his inner toddler. Not only is the volume rude, but throwing insults shows that you have lost all control over the situation.
You don’t appear strong because you seem too emotionally driven to think straight. Instead of crafting a mature comeback, you speak rashly and say things you’ll later regret.
Real power comes from staying cool when everything around you is falling apart. If someone says something nasty to you and you can listen to them without yelling right back, then you’re stronger than their words.
Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.
