Nobody wants to be a “control freak,” but sometimes the signs show up in small, everyday habits. You think you’re being helpful, nice, or detail-oriented but to others, you may seem like you’re trying to be the boss. If people have ever told you to chill or back off, you may be familiar with the following traits. Here are 13 behaviors to tell you that you are too controlling.
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You need to be right all the time
Little arguments with your friends or partner can turn into full-blown wars because you need to prove that you’re right. You never let things slide, even if they don’t matter. You correct people constantly and consider it your civic duty to point out errors, even tiny ones.
You can’t stand surprises
If it’s a surprise party for your birthday, you can handle it. But any other surprise plans or gifts that you didn’t give your official “thumbs up” to will stress you out. You like to be in control of everything and get easily frustrated when things go differently than you wanted.
You give advice nobody asked for
You jump in to “fix” things, even when people just want to vent. It feels helpful to you but to others, it can come across as bossy or dismissive.
You get nervous when you’re not in charge
You feel awkward and uneasy when someone else is in charge. It doesn’t matter if you actually trust them to be in charge; you just have the urge to step in and take over.
You micromanage
Even on the most minor details, you have to be involved. Group projects are a nightmare because you can’t trust others to do their fair share, do it on time, or do it the way you would. You have a difficult time allowing others to do things their way, even if it still ends up getting done.
You expect others to do things your way
You have a very specific way that you like things done, and when someone does it differently it bothers you much more than it should. For example, you hate it if your friends want to throw a potluck instead of going to the restaurant you picked.
You hate it when plans change
When your friends want to switch days or when your date for the night is running late, you freak out. You love having structure and feel very uneasy when things don’t go as you planned them.
You use guilt trips to get your way
If someone says no to your request, you subtly remind them of all the things you’ve done for them. It’s not the same as just asking directly, but it’s still a form of manipulation and control.
You have a hard time letting others make their own choices
You feel like you know what’s best for your spouse, your friend, your sister. And you let them know it. It may seem like it’s out of love and caring, but your loved ones don’t always see it that way.
You never admit you’re wrong
Admitting that you were wrong feels like you’re giving up some of your control. So rather than confess, you shift the blame or don’t address it at all.
You use the “I’m only trying to help” excuse
This is a quick way to rationalize controlling behavior. If your friend doesn’t want your advice, then you shouldn’t be giving it. Sometimes, being helpful isn’t actually helping.
You hold others to high (often unrealistic) expectations
You expect other people to have the same level of care or effort all of the time. And when they don’t, you get upset or disappointed.
You need regular updates or check-ins
You want to know where people are, what they’re doing, and why they haven’t replied yet. It might feel like care, but it can feel like surveillance to others.
Disclaimer: This list is solely the author’s opinion based on research and publicly available information.
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