Talking to singles over 40 is a lot harder than most people realize. After all, this age group has seen a thing or two—they’ve loved, lost & swiped left more times than they’d care to admit. As such, you have to be respectful when speaking to them. This includes avoiding saying certain things—like these thirteen things!
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“Why are you still single?”
If you think saying, “Why are you still single?” is a compliment, you’re completely wrong. You’re essentially telling someone there must be something wrong with them for them not to be in a relationship. It’s not a choice for many—and for others, it’s the best decision they have ever made.
“You’re too picky.”
Telling someone they’re too picky suggests that they don’t know what’s good for them. But here’s the thing—knowing what you want is actually pretty useful. And after 40, you better believe they’ve earned the right to be picky! Instead of being difficult, they’re refusing to settle for less than they deserve and that’s something we can all get behind.
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“You’ll find someone when you stop looking.”
While the idea that “love will find you when you least expect it” is meant to be comforting, it honestly comes off as a bit dismissive. You wouldn’t tell someone unemployed that they’ll get a job when they stop looking, would you? Worse still, this sentence ignores the fact that they might be enjoying the search.
“Have you tried online dating?”
These days, asking if someone’s tried online dating is like asking if they’ve tried breathing—it’s the standard! Online dating is not some secret, undiscovered path to love anymore. Chances are that they’ve tried it and if they haven’t, they have their reasons for this. No need to state the obvious.
“Don’t worry, your time will come.”
In theory, saying “Don’t worry, your time will come” sounds like you’re being supportive but really, it seems rather patronizing. It’s like you’re telling them, “There, there, your sad little life will get better.” Ouch! Everyone has their own timeline and for some of us, being single is exactly where they want to be.
“It’s better to be single than in a bad relationship.”
Of course, “It’s better to be single than in a bad relationship” is certainly true. Yet hearing it from someone else can feel a bit like a backhanded compliment because you’re telling them they should be happy they’re not stuck with a loser. They don’t need a reminder of the alternative—they already know about it.
“You should enjoy your freedom while you can.”
Saying, “You should enjoy your freedom while you can” suggests that relationships are the end of freedom and that’s hardly a great endorsement for coupledom. It’s also rather presumptuous to assume they’re not already making the most of their independence. As such, we should avoid suggesting that all relationships lack freedom.
“Aren’t you lonely?”
Just because someone’s single doesn’t mean they’re lonely and saying “Aren’t you lonely?” assumes a lot. In fact, it can make someone feel like they’re supposed to be lonely which isn’t fair. Plenty of people are alone but not lonely. They enjoy the company of friends, family—and, yes, themselves.
“You should go out more.”
“You should go out more” is simply unsolicited advice that assumes they’re not putting themselves out there. This probably isn’t the case! They might be going out quite a lot or perhaps they’re taking a break—either way, it’s their call. It’s definitely not something for others to judge.
“Do you think you’re too good for everyone?”
Talk about a loaded question! Asking, “Do you think you’re too good for everyone?” only ever seems accusatory & confrontational because you’re questioning their standards. As such, they have to defend their choices and that never feels good. We should just skip the judgment entirely.
“You must love having the bed to yourself.”
Of course, sprawling out in bed can be great, but saying, “You must love having the bed to yourself,” trivializes their single status. What if they don’t like having all that space? With this comment, you’re missing the deeper aspects of companionship & connection, even though you might be trying to cheer them up.
“Don’t you want kids?”
“Don’t you want kids?” is an extremely personal question and assumes a lot about what they want out of life. If that wasn’t bad enough, it also suggests that being single over 40 is a barrier to having a family, which isn’t true. Instead, you should avoid poking around in their personal life plans.
“You’re just too busy for a relationship.”
You have no idea why they’re really single so you shouldn’t say, “You’re just too busy for a relationship.” Why? Because it implies that their lifestyle is the reason they’re single, as if they’re choosing work over love—that’s quite dismissive. It’s entirely possible to be busy & still have room for love.
Disclaimer: This list is solely the author’s opinion based on research and publicly available information.
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