Let’s face it, it’s a big step when kids move out on their own, both for them and their parents. They have to deal with a quiet house for the first time and their kids need to figure out how to handle life on their own terms.
Unfortunately, even if they have the best intentions, some of the things parents say can come off the wrong way. Here are eight common phrases that can make adult children cringe.
Featured Image Credit: Shutterstock.
“Why don’t you come visit more often?”
Of course, it’s natural for parents to miss their kids and ask about the next visit. But for those just getting the hang of living on their own, hearing this feels like too much pressure.
They might be swamped with work or just settling in. They don’t want to feel guilty for not packing up and heading back more often.
“You’re not eating well enough.”
Nothing says ‘I’m still your mom’ like a comment on your eating habits, and that’s why hearing “You’re not eating well enough” infantilizes any self-respecting adult.
Would you want to feel like you’re still at the kids’ table? It’s annoying, almost like they can’t possibly throw together a decent meal without parental supervision.
“Is that really what you’re spending your money on?”
This question can really hit a nerve because it feels judgmental. Just because their budget includes money for concerts or tech gadgets doesn’t mean they’re not handling their finances wisely.
Trust is important in every relationship and asking this question feels like there isn’t any.
“Your apartment looks empty.”
It’s easy enough for this question to slip out when parents visit and see a less-than-fully decorated apartment. Even though they mean well, it actually sounds like they think the place is lacking.
Such a saying is enough to dampen the excitement of anyone’s first independent home.
“I would have done it differently.”
Hearing “I would have done it differently” from a parent can be a bit of a downer, no matter if it’s about how they set up their living room or the career path they’ve chosen.
Such a phrase makes it seem like their choices are always up for debate. But they’re not. You really shouldn’t make someone second-guess themselves about these matters.
“You look tired.”
This phrase usually comes from a caring place, although it rarely lands well. In fact, it can make them feel like they’re failing at being an adult; like they can’t even manage to look fresh.
It’s a reminder of how difficult balancing everything can be and they certainly don’t need to hear it.
“You always forget to call us.”
Staying in touch is important and we’re not telling you to avoid doing that. But hounding someone to call just doesn’t help.
In fact, it just adds stress & guilt to your adult children, which they really don’t need when they’re juggling a million new things. Don’t make them feel as though they’re dropping the ball. If you’ve said it once, leave it to them to reach out for a while.
“When are you getting a real job?”
This can sting for adult children and especially if they’re doing something more creative or part of a startup. This question just suggests that what they’re doing now isn’t quite up to snuff.
You don’t want them feeling undervalued when they’re putting their all into their career. It can be more damaging than you think.
More from Ash & Pri
- Adult Kids Share 15 Things Great Parents Did – When adult children reflect back, they understand their parents didn’t need to be perfect. Here are 15 things that really good parents always made an effort to do — and trust us, their kids remember.
- 13 ways adult kids unintentionally frustrate their parents – Several parents we have interviewed told me how they now watch their adult children and notice little things that annoy them.
- What adult children secretly resent about their parents – These aren’t the “I was grounded too much” resentments. They’re the more subtle, less visible slights that research and anecdotal evidence in the United States have revealed.
