People always talk about what they’d go back and tell their younger self to focus on. But not everything people say matters actually does. If I were granted a moment with my younger self, I would not tell them to focus on goals or to strive for achievement. I would say, “Listen kid, don’t waste your time on these 10 things.”
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1. Keeping friendships just because they were long-term
Your “forever friends” don’t always end up being so. Sometimes people just become part of your past without ever being a part of who you’ve become. I clung to certain friendships and spent more time with certain people than I should have, based on nothing more than a long history. I would have convinced my younger self that no one is owed time just because a bathroom was shared in 10th grade.
2. Trying to master networking events
I don’t think I ever wanted to learn how to “network.” I just overthought and overanalyzed every conversation at networking events, and most of them were fruitless anyway. The jobs I have or the people I am friends with now were never due to formal “networking.” I would advise my younger self to throw away the business cards and conserve his energy for something fruitful.
3. Following five-year plans too strictly
I assumed life should proceed in a linear fashion: career, house, marriage, timed and stacked in that order. But life keeps rerouting you. So any plans I held too tightly made it harder to shift course. I would tell my younger self to treat a plan as a sketch, not a blueprint.
4. Trying to be agreeable all the time
I focused on not coming across as “too much.” Too forward, too loud, too confident in myself. But sometimes being likeable to others required me to be hard on myself. I wouldn’t tell my younger self to be difficult, but I also wouldn’t tell him to play nice all the time.
5. Buying things just because they made me feel grown-up
Blazers I never wore, wine glasses I didn’t use, planners that stayed blank. I bought a version of adulthood I thought I needed to perform. Turns out, being an adult is a lot messier than that. I’d say: don’t waste your money on appearances.
6. Chasing titles that meant nothing outside the office
I once believed job titles were badges of success. Assistant Manager, Senior This or That, it all sounded important. But outside the building, none of it really mattered. I’d remind my younger self that your worth isn’t printed under your name in a company directory.
7. Trying to be liked by everyone in the room
I exhausted myself trying to be palatable to every personality in the room. I’d exit conversations questioning if I said the wrong thing. But really, some people just aren’t for you and that’s okay. I’d tell myself to be comfortable instead of constantly hunting for approval.
8. Forcing hobbies to become side hustles
If I enjoyed something, I immediately put the pressure on myself to monetize it. Write a blog, sell the art, teach the skill. But not everything has to be productive. Some things are just there to make you feel good. I’d tell myself to leave a few hobbies unpolished.
9. Fixing every misunderstanding right away
I used to panic at the slightest thought that someone thought I was cold, distant or wrong. I would write 4 a.m. texts explaining myself. But now I know that some things untangle with time, and some things don’t need to at all. I’d tell my younger self: not everything needs to be cleared up right now.
10. Staying constantly busy to seem productive
It always seemed that if you were moving fast enough, you were doing well. But most days, all that running around went nowhere. There’s nothing wrong with taking a pause. I’d tell my younger self to stop being so busy for the sake of being busy.
Disclaimer: This list is solely the author’s opinion based on research and publicly available information.
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