You can go through the motions of life for years until one day you find out there’s a deadline.
Forgotten roots
When you stop and think about it, one of the weirder forms of regret people experience when facing death is not recording your family history while you had the chance.
Older adults regret that they didn’t transcribe their parents’ journey to America, label who was who on the back of family pictures, or write down grandma’s secret recipe.
Upon noticing their children and grandchildren’s faces, they deeply regret not getting the opportunity to become the family historian. It’s a shame they didn’t record their family’s history for those who come after.
The creative void
Look, I get it. Security is important. Paying bills and just laying low is logical.
But what isn’t logical is watching your true passions crumble to dust as time just slips through your fingers.
No one on their deathbed thinks back fondly on the emails they answered. They think about how they couldn’t even squeeze an hour or two a week to sit down and make something.
They regret never learning how to play that piano. They regret not spending more time being exactly who they are.
Keeping appearances
Eight decades is a long time to look back on and many people realize how dumb they spent their money unnecessarily to appear higher status than everyone else.
They wish they hadn’t spent so many years drowning in mortgage payments just to match their neighbors’ oversized homes. They regret purchasing fuel-guzzling cars just to impress their work friends.
Most importantly, the elderly wish they didn’t sacrifice their own daily happiness and moments of spontaneity to impress individuals they barely even liked.
Ignoring the body
Young adults may see aging as slowly descending toward death, but those who are dying often bitterly regret their mid-life decisions when they realize they treated their bodies like trashcan machines.
They neglected chronic stress, avoided basic health screening, and stopped moving when life got busy with work. As a result, it cut years off their ability to be independent and mobile without fragility or pain.
Dying people mourn their bodies because they knew if they had cared for themselves for another 30-40 years, they could have explored the world in retirement rather than being tended to by nurses.
The first move
Death has a way of making past arguments, battles over inheritance, and years giving each other the silent treatment seem so childish and trivial.
It’s a real tragedy how many people end up mourning lost connections with siblings or children for ages after a falling out. Some petty stubbornness and nobody wants to apologize.
In the end, all you have is regret that you didn’t see them on birthdays, holidays, and other meaningful events. You will regret waiting on them to apologize first. What a waste that ego stole thirty years from your life.
Familiar poison
“One of the most common regrets that people have when they’re dying,” hospice nurses say, “is that they didn’t leave relationships sooner when they knew they were not wanted or valued.”
They wish that they hadn’t stuck around in friendships that slowly drained them or with family who made them question their sanity.
They come to see that their supply of love, care, and emotional reserves was, in fact, limited.
They spent their entire lives placating negative people and, in return, lost their own peace of mind.
Missing the moment
They were so focused on analyzing yesterday or stressing about tomorrow that they didn’t pay attention to life as it was happening right in front of them.
They look back wishing they had relaxed their grip just a little bit. One day their children were young and the next they were starting a life of their own.
Milestone days flew by in a blur. Even lazy afternoon picnics they once took for granted became yesterday’s memories.
So much time was spent thinking about something that had happened or what could happen in the future. So most people at the end of their lives wish they learned sooner how to silence the distractions, slow down, and just be present.
Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.
