We weren’t just learning algebra and literature at school; we were being prepared for life outside of school.
Popularity isn’t who is liked, it’s who has currency
Watch your classmates during middle school and high school. You will notice the most high-status students are seldom the ones who are liked by most people.
Social status is dictated by who controls entrances to the parties, who sets the styles, and who can quietly deny others access to things they want.
Middle school and high school teach you about what people value in the high-status cliques you will run into in town functions, churches, charity events, and country clubs: gatekeeping, status symbols and access.
Permission
You learn to ask permission to speak in class by raising your hand, go to the bathroom by asking for permission, and even eat lunch only when the bell tells you it’s okay to do so.
School teaches you to become incredibly institutionally-dependent. For over thirteen years, you’re trained, body and mind, to hand over your inherent personal freedom to whoever’s in charge.
One of the many reasons adults struggle with true independence, taking big risks and following their hearts is because they forget they don’t need someone else’s permission to do whatever they want.
Bowing down for success
One teacher will grade the same exact format of essay completely different from another teacher due to their own personal biases.
Intelligent students learn to stop trying to write the objectively “best” paper and start to focus on pleasing the idiosyncrasies of whoever has the red pen in that class.
Life will treat you exactly how this does. If you want to get by in life, you will often need to cater to another person’s ego and preferences instead of playing the objective quality card.
Empty threats and social control
You’re told as early as your first few years of elementary school that failure and wrong-doing will follow you for the rest of your life on something called your permanent record.
Upon entering adulthood, you find out that realistically nobody outside of that building gives a single ounce of care about your middle school detention or missed homework assignment.
Clever kids pick up on the fact that institutions often rely on exaggerated threats of future negative outcomes to keep things in line presently.
Quiet compliance
Schools have to herd thousands of students through their halls with limited resources. This means that sometimes ensuring the school day runs smoothly is more important than nurturing intellectual curiosity.
This doesn’t take long for kids to realize that the best way to get through school is to sit quietly, don’t ask too many questions, and turn in work on time.
You learn from a young age that compliance and pleasing people is often praised in the working world.
Your reputation precedes you
I don’t know who spread the rumors in the hallway or what was said about me in the teacher’s lounge, but I do know that other students and faculty knew way more about me than I liked.
Whether it was something your brother said about you, something that happened years before you got to high school, or something you did in gym class in 7th grade, people already have an opinion of you when you walk into a room.
Learning to manage others’ perceptions from a young age is vital for smoother dealings with adults and future work environments.
Systems care about rules, not context
Consider the student suspended for fighting back against a bully, despite a “no hitting” rule. This one really drives it home that large organizations care about consistently applying rules and not liability.
The person who actually drew blood ends up learning a lesson, but everyone involved in the scuffle faces consequences. The system doesn’t care who started it or what led up to it, and that sucks.
However, you quickly grasp that this is the actual adult world you inhabit.
People near shape your day
You’ll find yourself getting more stressed and less focused the closer you are to a really energetic distractor.
Choose a seat near someone who is laser-focused and positive, and you’ll have a leg up on the day’s hard work.
Here is a life lesson on boundaries: the individuals you choose to share your space with, whether they’re friends, housemates, or partners, will undeniably impact your day.
Always look busy
A kid that finishes a test in 10 minutes then proceeds to gaze at the ceiling will immediately be met with suspicion. However, that same kid who frantically scribbles down answers until the bell rings is perceived as a grind who doesn’t give up.
Institutions purposefully teach children to pace themselves so they look like they are always doing something. No wonder we as adults praise the act of grinding till we drop; not taking breaks seems to be revered in society.
Deadlines beat good intentions
Despite how many times educators sermonize about the advantages of pacing yourself with small chunks, dozens of students learn every day that cramming all night before it’s due will still get them a passing grade.
Yes, it’s a terrible habit to get into, but it at least teaches you one thing: Deadlines work. When you’re up against the clock, procrastination melts away and hyper-focus takes over. Suddenly you’re able to accomplish hours’ worth of work in mere minutes.
Lots of adults struggle with this too. Whether it’s an ambitious personal goal, a major life transition or DIY project for the weekend, many people perform better when they’ve got a deadline bearing down on them.
Circular logic
When a student asks why they need to learn something useful, “because it will be on the test” becomes your go-to answer. It convinces kids that institutional objectives rarely have any practical application; they exist simply to justify the existence of the institution itself.
This system readies you to handle your civic duties, tax forms, and endless bureaucratic hurdles that are in place simply because “that’s the way it’s always been.”
Timing and context matter
Say something goofy or sarcastic during class and you may get yelled at or sent to the principal. Say the same thing during class discussion and suddenly you’re the smart one.
School will teach you quick that it’s not always what you say. Sometimes it’s when you say it, how you say it, and to whom you say it matters just as much.
You learn when to speak up, when to hold your tongue, and when not to open your mouth until you feel out the room. Life will benefit you from knowing these lessons after you graduate.
Modern office politics
Before you got that comfy office job with benefits, you had some practice interacting with colleagues. Remember those group projects in school?
Group projects taught us some of life’s basic lessons about collaborating with others: someone will always do more than their fair share, someone will manage to do almost nothing, and achieving consensus will often feel impossible.
There was always that one person who did 80% of the work. And the person who cared way too much about the formatting. And the person who wouldn’t show up to help until the day of the presentation.
The effort gap
They tell you in school that if you work hard you’ll get good grades. Then you watch kids who hardly try walk away with straight A’s while kids who study all night barely pass.
You learn early on that life isn’t always rewarded based on effort alone. Skill, luck and strategy matter just as much as hard work.
Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.
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