Moving in together is the best way to see if you can really stand each other on a daily, no-breaks basis. But how do you know if you’re ready for that kind of commitment? Beyond the big, dramatic stuff, it’s the little things that tell you you’re not quite ready. Let’s look at a few of them! Here are 13 signs that you’re not ready to live together and why.
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Silent on Money
When you talk about money, does everything suddenly go silent? If you and your partner can’t talk about cash without getting awkward, then that’s a sign because living together involves dealing with bills, rent—and who ate the last slice of pizza! If you’re avoiding these discussions now, just imagine the stress when they’re unavoidable.
Cleaning Styles Clash
While you might be a neat freak, your partner may treat the floor like an extra closet. The thought of dealing with their cleaning habits (or lack thereof) for eternity shouldn’t make you cringe. If it does, it’s time to slow down. Sharing a space involves dealing with each other’s messes—literally.
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Conflict Resolution is a Mystery
Dealing with disagreements in a way that strengthens rather than strains your relationship is important. As such, being stuck in a loop of silent treatments or escalating arguments is a huge red flag. You need the ability to resolve conflicts constructively. Without it, the everyday challenges of living together will become far too overwhelming.
Independence Levels Don’t Match
You’ll also need to have a happy medium where both of you feel your needs for independence & togetherness are met. For example, does your idea of a perfect day involve solitude while theirs is more about joint activities from dawn to dusk? That’s going to cause tension. Unless you balance things, one of you will feel smothered and the other will feel neglected.
The Future is Foggy
Being on different pages about your relationship’s future makes the idea of living together a gamble. You need to have open, honest conversations about your expectations & fears about the relationship’s direction. These discussions should never lead to more questions than answers. When they do, you’re probably not ready to share a living space.
Sweating the Small Stuff
It might seem minor but how you react to your partners’ small habits is a big sign of your readiness to live together. Do you argue about the way they organize their books? Or do you get into a rage when they forget to replace the cap on the toothpaste? That’s a bad sign—just imagine how it’ll be when those daily habits are in your shared space.
Personal Space is Precious
Your home is your sanctuary and the thought of sharing it round the clock may not sit well with you. As such, you need to think carefully about how you’ll look after your personal space & individual routines within a shared home. Moving in together involves creating a living situation where both partners feel comfortable & at ease. Neither one should sacrifice their personal needs or habits.
Social Butterfly Meets Homebody
Of course, it’s natural for your social batteries to operate on different schedules—but there should be similarities. Any couple that has one person who feels uncomfortable about social gatherings & one who can’t get enough of them is going to have issues. You’ll need to find some common ground. This way, you both enjoy your home without feeling overwhelmed or isolated.
Compromise is a Foreign Concept
Being able to meet in the middle is what makes living together a lot easier. As such, compromising on even the smallest decisions should never feel like a struggle. When it does, that’s a sign that you might need to work on your compromising skills before sharing a space. Living together involves constant negotiation, after all!
Happiness is a Two-Person Job
Never expect your partner to be your sole source of happiness. That’s a heavy burden for any relationship. Before deciding to live together, you’ll need to be happy within yourself. This may involve pursuing hobbies & goals that make you happy independently of your relationship. You’re complementing each other’s happiness—not being responsible for it.
Sharing Responsibilities is Uncharted Territory
Before moving in, you need to work on a project or plan an event together. Start small! This will give you a look into how you both handle responsibilities & decision-making. It’s a good test of teamwork that’ll help you prepare for the shared duties of a household. If you haven’t done this, then you’re probably not ready to live together.
Boundaries? What Boundaries?
You need to understand & respect each other’s boundaries if you want to have a healthy living situation. Conversations about boundaries should be open & ongoing. In doing so, both partners will feel comfortable in their shared space—don’t forget about the emotional boundaries, too. Not talking about boundaries is a sign you’re moving in prematurely.
Change Is Scary
The prospect of changing your lifestyle to accommodate another person is daunting. Of course, it’s normal to have some reservations—but overwhelming fear or anxiety is a sign you’re not ready. You’ll also need to identify the source of these feelings. Are they about losing your independence or are they from concerns about the relationship itself?
Disclaimer: This list is solely the author’s opinion based on research and publicly available information.
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