It can be awful when you begin to think you’re not being heard. While you’re working, hanging out with friends or at home with your family – when you’re left out of conversations, you end up feeling isolated, angry, and even lost.
Sometimes the cues for marginalization are immediate and explicit – like when a co-worker stops you mid-sentence or dismisses you in a split second. But other times – the symptoms are more faint, almost imperceptible – which makes it less clear exactly what’s happening.
Knowing the signs will let you know what is going on and how to deal with it before it wreaks havoc on your self-esteem and health. The following are 10 red flags you should be looking out for.
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Your Ideas Get Overlooked
You say something, or offer something, and you don’t get any reaction whatsoever – the conversation simply continues as if you never said anything. This is all the more disappointing if you’ve invested effort and thought into your contribution. All this can, in turn, make you frustrated and question yourself. It could even make you reluctant to mention your thoughts in the future because they’ll probably get kicked out again.
You’re Interrupted Often
It’s annoying when you’re unable to finish a sentence without someone interrupting you. Being interrupted isn’t only distracting but also a sign that other people don’t care what you have to say. It also can wear you down – making you question whether what you’re saying is really worth hearing. If you’re listening and people are getting to talk for an extended period of time – while you are not – then you’re being disrespected.
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You Miss Key Meetings or Events
And if you find yourself not being brought to important meetings or get-togethers where things get decided, it is clearly indicative of you being excluded. It is a painful exclusion precisely because it feels deliberate. When you don’t join these events, you aren’t getting all the information you need and have the chance to bring your perspective. This can create a communication and comprehension void that can make you feel disconnected and not valued.
Body Language Shows Disinterest
If people don’t look at you, don’t lean in and don’t listen when you’re talking – that means they aren’t really interested. That silent signal can make you feel repelled and unwilling to engage in the dialogue. And it can be more depressing if you see others receiving positive, responsive body language (nodding or leaning in), but you get nothing in return.
No One Wants Your Opinion
When nobody else is asking you for your input or suggestions – you know you’re being left behind. It’s as if your opinion is irrelevant and it can get pretty hurtful & discouraging in the long run. This is especially harmful at the workplace – where your knowledge and contribution are needed but often overlooked. It alienates and even makes you doubt yourself – wondering if you really are worthy of sharing anything.
Your Contributions Are Downplayed
But even if you do manage to make your case, if it’s not taken seriously or dismissed with a wave of the hand, then it can feel like your work doesn’t matter. And this can get particularly annoying if someone else then raises the same issue later and gets a standing ovation. The more that your voice is continually being sidelined, the less you feel like you’re able to assert yourself and make your voice heard – knowing it might not even get heard.
You Get Less Speaking Time
As part of a discussion, be aware of how much time is allocated to you compared to others. It’s most obvious when you have something important to share, but are squeezed in or pushed aside while everyone else has plenty of time. This unequal distribution of speaking time signals who gets a preference – and it can be immensely demoralizing.
You’re Tasked With Basic Tasks or Subjects
When you’re always getting the boring, non-essential things to talk about – that may indicate that people don’t appreciate your input. This is often most visible at work where you may be assigned smaller projects or are asked to tackle minor nitty-gritty issues — while others get on with big ones. It’s a tactic that helps keep people out of good conversations and makes you feel invisible.
You Are Left Out of the Loop On Key Changes
When something important gets changed or updated, and you’re last to hear – or never hear at all – it’s clear you’re getting skipped. It can occur at work and at home – and make you race to reconnect or simply get disconnected. It’s one thing to be left out of knowledge, but the biggest thing is the obvious message that your presence or view is not necessary.
Your Questions Are Ignored
When you raise a question and nobody answers it or someone else immediately shifts topics – it means that you are not heard. It can be especially infuriating as questions are a way of participating and taking part in the discussion. When you try to get involved, and are just left out, you don’t belong.
Disclaimer: This list is solely the author’s opinion based on research and publicly available information.
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