If you sometimes feel like you’re just one sentence away from someone snapping at you, or vice versa, you should know that it happens to everyone. Unfortunately, once an argument begins, it’s hard to stop. But you can avoid all that tension by saying the right thing early on, and here are ten statements that do just that.
Which of these have you never tried before, but will now?
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“Is Now A Bad Time?”
Ambushing someone with a problem when they’re busy doing something never ends well. Checking in beforehand gives them a chance to say that they’d prefer to talk about it later, without it being too much of a problem. People don’t always have the bandwidth to deal with heavy stuff right away. When you ask this, it shows you’re trying to be considerate.
“I See What You Mean”
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It really doesn’t matter if you’re not completely on board with the other person because saying this doesn’t cost anything. It instantly makes the conversation a lot less tense. After all, nobody wants to feel like they’re arguing with a brick wall, and this sentence tells someone you hear them, without actually agreeing with every part. That’s sometimes all that they want.
“What Do You Need From Me Right Now?”
Sometimes, you start talking with someone and realize that, halfway in, you’ve been completely guessing what they want from you. Asking this question avoids that. Rather than assuming they need advice or sympathy or space or whatever, you just ask, right off the bat. Saying this will save you from walking right into an argument without meaning to.
“Do You Want to Talk About This Now or Later?”
This isn’t a trick question. You’re actually giving the other person the chance to delay the conversation without actually giving up on it. You’re not forcing it down their throat right this second, which should help you to avoid any heated back-and-forth discussions. People usually respond better when you give them some control over the conversation.
“I Don’t Want This to Turn Into a Fight”
Sometimes saying the thing out loud makes people rethink where they’re headed because it shows you’re not trying to win. You’re just telling the other person not to go there, and most people respect that honesty more than you’d expect. It reminds everyone why you’re even talking in the first place. You’re there to sort things out, not make them worse.
“What Would Help You Feel Better About This?”
Most arguments happen because each person has no idea about what’s going on. This question avoids the ambiguity entirely. The other person might not even realize what they want until you ask them, and such a question will force them to think about their goals for the discussion. That gives you something to work with.
“What Are You Worried Will Happen?”
When someone’s being defensive, there’s usually a bigger issue at play, and asking this question moves the conversation away from the surface-level stuff. Instead, you start talking about something real, so you’ll skip the fight entirely and give them the chance to explain what’s really bothering them. It might just be that they’re afraid that you’ll judge them.
“I Want To Understand What You Mean”
Speaking of being defensive, most people get this way because they’re worried the other person is trying to twist their words, or that they’re trying to catch them making a mistake. But using this line shows you’re not doing that. Rather, you’re just trying to get some clarity, without any traps, and that should help to defuse the situation.
“Please Just Listen”
We all know that one person who loves to go straight into telling you what to do, and that usually causes arguments about advice you didn’t ask for. But saying this from the start tells them that you want them to just listen. It doesn’t matter if one person thinks they’re being helpful because, chances are, the other just wants to vent. This statement clears things up.
“I Might Be Wrong, But…”
Yeah, it sounds simple, but this statement changes the tone of the conversation because it makes it clear you’re just sharing your thoughts. People drop their guard a lot faster when you don’t come in swinging. Saying this stops the other person from being immediately defensive, as you’re showing them that you’re open to being corrected. That makes things feel safer.
Disclaimer: This list is solely the author’s opinion based on research and publicly available information.
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