Sacred Silence – Navigating Generational Trauma and Parenthood

Smiling little boy looking at camera and covering eyes of smiling grandmother. Kid / child.

Amidst the digital tapestry of social media, a lone post has sparked a fervent debate, one that transcends its virtual confines to touch upon the raw nerves of human experience.

The original poster (OP), a 28-year-old woman, took to social media to confront a matter that had been tugging at her heartstrings. OP’s words encapsulate a childhood marked by a miscarriage that transpired decades before her own birth.

Not The Favorite Child

OP had been adopted, becoming the reluctant recipient of a lingering sorrow. Every year, the family visited a small grave, a solemn homage to the child that never was.

Even at a tender age, OP was enlisted to participate, relinquishing her favorite toy as an offering to the phantom presence beneath the earth.

With each visit, OP absorbed her mother’s grief, internalizing the feeling that she was an understudy, a mere replacement for the dearly departed. In her eyes, OP was never enough.

Setting Boundaries

Now a mother herself to a vibrant 5-year-old son, OP was confronted with a disconcerting revelation. OP’s mother had shared the tale of the miscarriage with her grandson, introducing him to the solemn site that marked the irrevocable loss.

Faced with this situation, OP stood her ground, asserting that such a conversation was premature and that her son should be spared the weight of a history that occurred long before he took his first breath.

OP shared all of this with the digital community and asked if she was in the wrong.

Generational Trauma and Parenthood

In response to her actions, the court of public opinion convened to share their perspectives.

Affectionate-Loon28 minced no words in asserting that what had transpired in OP’s past was not only heartrending but a profound injustice.

“Doing that to your adopted kid is beyond wrong too,” the commenter declared, a sentiment that resonated deeply with many.

The dichotomy between the motherly duty to nurture and the inadvertent infliction of emotional baggage upon an innocent child was starkly illuminated.

ReverendSpith offered a more nuanced viewpoint, firmly positioning the role of a parent as the guiding light in their child’s journey.

“YOUR child, YOUR rules.”

The commentary reflected a collective belief that OP held the authority to delineate when certain subjects were to be broached, emphasizing that the grandmother’s role was to support, not dictate.

Unguest’s words struck a chord with those who understood the generational nature of trauma.

“Your mother has unresolved trauma. As a fellow adoptee, I’m really sorry you had to grow up with this dysfunction, which sounds like it resulted in your own trauma. You can break the cycle right now by limiting your child’s contact with your mother and always supervising. Sending you the best.”

Chebstr’s blunt comment zeroed in on the heart of the matter, revealing a widely held sentiment.

“Your son is not her therapist. It’s EXTREMELY inappropriate for her to take a five year old to a grave and unload like that.”

The Verdict

OP’s poignant narrative sheds light on the complex layers of growing up as a surrogate child, an experience marked by the weight of unprocessed grief.

The ensuing comments coalesce around a common theme: unanimous disapproval of the inappropriate transference of emotional baggage onto an innocent child.

These sentiments highlight the shared belief in safeguarding youthful innocence from the burdens of adult experiences.

The consensus, echoed by multiple perspectives, emphasizes the importance of a parent’s prerogative in shaping their child’s early years and the necessity of protecting them from the complexities of unresolved pain.

What do you think? Let us know in the comments. Do you think the OP from this social media post was wrong?

Featured Image Credit: EdZbarzhyvetsky /

This article was originally published on Ash & Pri.

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Pri Kingston

Ash & Pri are the Founders of and have spent the last decade building their way towards financial freedom and a lifetime of memories. Having successfully achieved their early retirement goal in under 10 years, they look forward to sharing their financial sense with like-minded people. Read more about Ash & Pri in the 'About Us' section.