A 28-year-old woman has been dating her 32-year-old boyfriend for seven months and is highly attracted to his masculine traits. She appreciates his confidence, assertiveness, physical fitness, and social circle.
However, she acknowledges that he has a criminal record for assault and battery, which he claims is a false accusation from his vindictive ex-girlfriend. Additionally, he has two DUIs, but he now uses an ignition device and has not violated any rules or received another DUI since they started dating.
The woman is financially stable, with a well-paying job that mainly supports them, while her boyfriend works several part-time jobs. They plan for him to become a stay-at-home dad if their relationship lasts, which would be financially feasible due to the cost of daycare.
Despite their plans and her positive experiences with her boyfriend, her sister disapproves of the relationship from the start. The sister conducted a background check on the boyfriend and found out about his record, which she assumed he had hidden from her sister. However, the woman already knew about the record and had addressed it with her boyfriend.
The sister also brought up a petty theft incident that the woman had not heard about before.
The woman’s parents, who previously loved her boyfriend, are now begging her to break up with him. The woman feels hurt that her family does not trust her to make her own choices and that they turned on her when she finally found happiness in a relationship. She turned to Redittors to ask what she should do.
User this_is_an_alaia raised suspicions about the OP’s boyfriend:
“Your sister is just trying to look out for you. It is not good that your first response to him being found guilty of assault and battery is that he was framed. Nor that he had two DUIs, neither of which he seems to have taken responsibility for. If you have a driver’s license, you know better than to drink and drive and once again blaming his ex-girlfriend.
“If you said he’d done his time, admitted his guilt, gone to therapy, and taken anger management, that would be another thing, but the red flags are all over the place here.
“When you hear hoofs, think horses. Not zebras.”
User Sofiwyn concurred, saying:
“If your BF having a criminal record doesn’t matter, than why are you mad your parents now know?
“You’re attracted to red flags.
“It’s also interesting how your BF is traditionally masculine when it comes to being “assertive” and “confident” (aggressive, you mean aggressive) but is perfectly okay with you being the breadwinner.
“It’s insane you’re blindly believing your BF when he claims he was framed and that everything was his ex’s fault.
“At the very least, order the court records so you can read everything for yourself.
“You have some maturity and arrogance issues. Just because you make a lot of money and consider yourself “successful” doesn’t mean you still don’t have blind spots.
“Domestic violence victims can be literally anyone – including you.
“I hope you’re not so arrogant/stupid that you have to learn this firsthand to believe it.”
User GoodCelebration1953 also agreed, saying that her sister has her best interests at heart.
“I don’t approve of sister snooping, but I think you should be grateful she cares enough to do so, considering how rudely and immaturely you speak of her and her husband in this post. If you would prefer her to not care if you were safe or in danger, then by all means, just keep behaving like this towards them.
“And frankly you would he foolish to take bf’s word instead of getting a third-party perspective because it’s just as likely that he is lying because the truth makes him look bad.”
Soul Reddish also supported the sister for looping in their parents.
“She is worried about you. And rightly so. You’ve got blinders on. The man has not taken responsibility for his past. Everything is someone else’s fault.
“Of course, she told your parents. THAT’S WHAT GOOD SIBLINGS DO – get reinforcements. She’s hoping they can get through to you before anything bad happens.”
User rpbm shared her personal experiences to warn the OP.
“Honey, I WAS you, once. His ex set him up, his boss set him up for the embezzlement charge, the DUI was the exes fault, too, she MADE him take her son when he drove drunk.
“I had the money, all he had to do was raise the kids (his, by way of his ex, who was a worse human than he was, it turned out), he was so charming and manly, which turned out to be controlling and abusive.
“There were sooooo many red flags, but when you’re wearing rose-colored glasses, red flags are just…flags.
“Please, please, PLEASE, listen to me and these other kind folks. You’re defensive because it’s your life, and you can live it as you want to, and I get that. I was there, too. If anyone had told me he was a bad choice, or bad for me, I’d have jumped down their throats. But they’d have been right.
“Just, stop being defensive for a second, and consider—what if we’re right? I know you don’t want to hear it, but just humor me, ok? Think what it would be to live with someone I’ve described. It’s hell.”
It is easy to get swept away in the excitement of a new relationship, but listening to your close friends’ and family’s opinions can help you notice the red flags.
Redditors overwhelmingly supported the OP’s sister, and most also raised concerns about the OP’s future. Many also mentioned the lessons they learned from similar experiences.
What are your thoughts about this? Have you been in similar circumstances?
The full thread can be found here.
Featured Image Credit: VitalikRadko /Depositphotos.com
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