Ink, Trust, and Secrets – The Pen Name Predicament

Young woman gesturing for silence with finger on lips

In the world of relationships, trust and boundaries are like the foundations of a sturdy house as they keep things stable and secure. But what happens when one partner demands something that the other holds dear? This is the story of a social media post where a guy got curious about his girlfriend’s secret pen name, which turned into a real-life drama.

A Secret Identity

The original poster (OP) is a 32-year-old man who’s been dating Siobhan, also 32, for six months. OP shared that his girlfriend, Siobhan, has always been a bit mysterious about her job, only mentioning that she works from home and writes.

Recently, a friend accidentally revealed that Siobhan writes romance and erotica stories, which can be pretty steamy. This revelation piqued OP’s curiosity. Not finding any trace of Siobhan’s writing online under her real name, OP confronted her.

That’s when Siobhan dropped the bombshell that she writes under a secret pen name, a made-up name to keep her real identity hidden. This revelation left OP feeling like he was in the dark about a big part of Siobhan’s life, so he asked for her pen name.

Siobhan refused, worried that her secret identity might get out accidentally. She wanted to keep her writing world separate from her personal life. However, this refusal didn’t sit well with OP. He felt like Siobhan didn’t trust him enough to share this part of her life with him. OP even tried a softer approach, telling Siobhan he wanted to understand her fantasies better. But Siobhan insisted that what she wrote wasn’t about her fantasies; it was for her readers.

Late Night Laptop Drama!

Things took a nosedive when OP attempted to check Siobhan’s laptop for her pen name while she was asleep but could not, as she had apparently changed her laptop password before going to bed.

OP was really annoyed at this and confronted his girlfriend, telling her that it was his right to know what his girlfriend did, and hiding the pen name showed that she did not trust him.

Furious and hurt, Siobhan asked OP to leave. Before he left, OP told Siobhan that when she apologized, he expected her to reveal her pen name as part of the apology. However, Siobhan did not take it well and stormed off. Later, OP’s sister also got involved and asserted that OP was the one who needed to apologize.

Trust and Boundaries in Relationships

Perplexed, OP turned to the online community for a second opinion, asking if he was indeed wrong in this situation. As OP’s post went live, it was met with a resounding chorus of criticism by online users.

One commenter, CrystalQueen3000, described OP’s actions as demanding and controlling, painting him as a walking red flag.

“Well, you’re just a walking red flag OP – demanding, controlling and [feeling] like it’s your right to snoop. That’s just grim. Enjoy being single.”

Another user, Steelguitarlane, chastised OP for his expectations and even called him a double p*** for thinking Siobhan owed him an apology. This user suggested that if Siobhan were to share her side of the story, they would advise her to break up with OP, fearing he might expose her secret pen name in a messy breakup.

OkeyDokey234 couldn’t help but point out the irony in OP claiming he could be trusted while simultaneously trying to break into Siobhan’s laptop.

“I can’t believe she doesn’t trust me, he said, as he attempted to break into her laptop.”

Nond***head chimed in, suggesting that OP seemed like the type who might threaten to reveal Siobhan’s pen name whenever he was upset.

Lastly, masseffectnerd30, in a somewhat sarcastic tone, congratulated OP on his impending singledom, stating,

“Congrats on being single soon, OP! You got mad your gf wouldn’t tell you something and tried to ferret it out. I wish I could’ve seen your face when you realized she changed her password. You don’t have a right to know, so I would suggest accepting that.”

The Verdict

The consensus among the online community was that Siobhan was well within her rights to protect her pen name. In a genre like erotica, where judgment and scrutiny can run high, anonymity can be a lifeline for authors. OP’s actions were seen as invasive and controlling, eroding the trust in his relationship.

This story sheds light on the delicate balance between personal privacy and transparency within a relationship. While it’s natural to be curious and want to understand your partner better, it’s equally important to respect their boundaries.

Trust, once broken, can be challenging to rebuild. Siobhan’s desire to keep her pen name a secret wasn’t about distrusting OP but about safeguarding a part of herself from the world’s prying eyes. This tale reminds us that in matters of the heart, trust and respect should always be our guiding stars.

What do you think? Let us know in the comments. Do you think the OP from this social media post was wrong?

Featured Image Credit: AndrewLozovyi /

This article was originally published on Ash & Pri.

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Pri Kingston

Ash & Pri are the Founders of and have spent the last decade building their way towards financial freedom and a lifetime of memories. Having successfully achieved their early retirement goal in under 10 years, they look forward to sharing their financial sense with like-minded people. Read more about Ash & Pri in the 'About Us' section.