While marriage is always hard work, there are certain things your husband should never ask you to do.
Silent circle
Does your husband get jealous or angry when you talk to a particular friend or family member? It’s likely he’d prefer you cease communication with that particular person.
He may accuse them of being jealous of your relationship or trying to turn you against him, when all they’re doing is looking out for you.
If your husband wants to cut you off from someone who’s been a positive influence in your life, he’s trying to weaken your support system.
According to the Power and Control Wheel, a resource created by domestic abuse advocates, isolating you from others is a major tactic abusers use to manipulate their partners.
Take the fall
Under any circumstances, your husband should never ask you to lie to cover his mistakes, be it breaking the law, workplace issues, or family squabbles. That drama is not yours to own.
If he’s willing to cause you harm to save his own skin, he’s proven that he cares more about his ego than he does about your future together.
Hidden papers
He might claim he’s just trying to keep things tidy, but if he controls your essential documents, expect trouble.
Controlling your documents is one way to ensure you can never leave him, because you have no means to travel or work.
Being denied your own identity is abuse that will keep you trapped, obedient, and dependent on him.
Fix your body
Does he want you to get plastic surgery, dye your hair, or starve yourself until you fit his idea of a certain look? He wants to mold you as if you’re a toy or piece of property that he can buy parts for at will.
You should not be loved because of the way you look or the number on the scale. You should be loved for who you are as a person.
Making your worth dependent on how you look is a recipe for body dysmorphia and feeling constantly insecure. If he doesn’t respect your body and your ability to age naturally, then he doesn’t respect you.
Money watch
Maybe your husband makes you show him the receipt for every loaf of bread you buy or gallon of gas you put in your car.
Financial abuse can look like a partner policing every aspect of your spending, even if you are the one who brings home the paycheck.
If he doesn’t allow you to spend your money, how will you ever be able to save up for an emergency fund or have any financial independence whatsoever?
Couples should have financial goals that they agree on, not round-the-clock scrutiny of your basic errands and little treats.
Quiet your gut
If you tell him you don’t feel safe driving down a certain street or you feel uncomfortable around one of his friends, and he says you’re overreacting, he is putting you in danger.
A loving partner will take your peace of mind more seriously than his own convenience.
You should never disregard your intuition at his request, because it could get you into a dangerous situation your body was warning you about.
Total access
He wants the passwords to your phone, email, and social media accounts, but refuses to share his ones with you?
Once again, this has nothing to do with honesty and everything to do with control. You deserve to have some privacy in a relationship, even marriage.
If he’s that worried about your immediate responses, expect him to find fault with something. Don’t fall for it.
He probably doesn’t trust you because he can’t trust himself.
Bend your rules
He wants you to lie on a joint tax return, falsify documents, or help him take care of someone who crosses him in business? He is asking you to compromise your integrity to cover up his wrongdoing.
If you’re pulled into your husband’s illegal or unethical schemes, escaping gets exponentially harder due to his control. No matter what, be it false claims, police involvement, or past events, he should never drag you into it.
If he cares about you, he’ll want you to be your best self, not his partner in crime.
Tell no one
He’s likely hiding something if he echoes the sentiment that “what happens here, stays here.”
Abusers, addicts, cheaters, and negligent husbands ask their partners to keep family matters private as a way of keeping you from talking to anyone who can help you.
It allows him to create a bubble of dysfunction where he can do whatever he wants without consequence.
Burst that bubble by telling someone what’s going on. If he threatens you when you speak your truth, he knows he’s done something that can’t withstand confrontation.
Blocked growth
Does your husband guilt you into refusing promotions at work, quitting classes, or abandoning career aspirations because they interfere with the family?
This is him trimming your wings. He may consistently throw a fit when you have a big presentation, or guilt you when you spend time improving yourself.
Someone who loves you will be happy for your accomplishments, rather than feel threatened by your success.
Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.
