Confidence doesn’t always come naturally. It’s usually shaped by how people were treated in their childhood. How parents deal with their kids has an enormous impact on their self-esteem. Parents sometimes, without even knowing it, act in ways that leave their children in a state of self-doubt. These actions can remain with you, even into adulthood, influencing your perception of yourself. Let’s take a closer look at how parents can unintentionally lower a child’s confidence.
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Criticizing More Than Praising
If your parents constantly pointed out your faults but never recognized your strengths, this might have shattered your self-esteem. Kids thrive on encouragement. When you only hear criticism, you focus on your shortcomings and not your strengths. You eventually start doubting yourself, feeling that nothing you do is good enough. Even accomplishments can become meaningless when you’re brought up expecting failure, not praise.
Setting Unrealistic Expectations
Some parents want their children to be great at everything from school to sports. There’s nothing wrong with parents wanting the best for their child, but this is a big burden to place on them. You may have believed that anything less than the best was wrong and there was no margin for error. This fear of failure can accompany you into adulthood and prevent you from trying new things or believing in yourself.
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Making All the Decisions for You
Parents who control every aspect of their child’s life may think they’re saving them, but they’re usually not. You may have no confidence in adulthood if you never got to make choices. You never had time to fail and gain self-sufficiency. Therefore, even small decisions can feel overwhelming because you have never had the chance to experiment.
Comparing You to Others
Hearing your parents tell you, “Why can’t you be like your brother?” or “Your friend was better than you,” deflates your self-esteem. Comparisons make you feel inadequate. You could feel like you’re constantly judging yourself in comparison to everyone else rather than being proud of what you have to offer. This is a habit that will get stuck in your head and make you feel unfulfilled in your talents.
Overprotecting You
When parents shield their children from every challenge, they may feel they’re loving. But it can prevent them from teaching their kids resilience. If you were not given the freedom to face challenges on your own, then you may not have learned to handle tough situations. As a grown-up, you may be too inexperienced to handle trouble, and you can feel like giving up.
Punishing Mistakes Harshly
If you got punished, or verbally chastised when you made a mistake as a child, you might have been terrified of failure. It can prevent you from trying new things because you fear what happens if you mess up. Feeling comfortable enough to fail and try again builds confidence – harsh punishments do just the opposite and instill doubt in the mind.
Ignoring Your Opinions
When parents dismiss their child’s thoughts or feelings, they are telling their child it doesn’t matter what they think. If your thoughts were always brushed off, then you may find it hard to express yourself. Not having been heard as a child makes you question the validity of your thoughts – this can cause you to have less self-esteem & self-confidence as an adult.
Praising Only Achievements, Not Effort
If parents only celebrate major achievements such as good grades or winning a competition, this can feel unhealthy pressure. If you didn’t get credit for the effort you put in, even if it didn’t bring you success, you may think you are only as good as your results. This leads to lack of confidence when things go wrong, and you’ll be feeling like you failed even though you did your best.
Criticizing Your Appearance
Remarks about your weight, height or appearance can haunt you for years. Parents feel like they’re making a difference by highlighting problems to “fix,” but this can make you overly self-conscious. Especially as a child, when someone criticizes you about how you look, you can feel vulnerable. Insecurity often follows people into adulthood and makes it hard to feel confident in their own skin.
Not Letting You Speak Up
If your parents kept interrupting you or telling you to shut up, it might have taught you that your voice doesn’t matter. Therefore, you may find it hard to express yourself in social or professional contexts. Confidence comes from feeling like what you have to say matters, but if you were a child who wasn’t allowed to speak, speaking up now might feel frightening and awkward.
Disclaimer: This list is solely the author’s opinion based on research and publicly available information.
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