Feeling threatened doesn’t have to involve jealousy or someone openly competing, because really, the signs are a lot more subtle and far easier to brush off.
They praise you, then immediately reduce the achievement
They’re great at giving you a compliment once you tell them your good news. But it doesn’t last for very long. Soon enough, they’ll say something to reduce your achievement, like ‘They were probably desperate to fill the role,’ when you tell them about your new job.
They’re unable to let a compliment stand on its own. They’re essentially trying to protect their own self-image by finding a way to make your advantage seem smaller. Really, they just can’t leave your successes alone.
They move the standard whenever you meet it
They’ll probably tell you at first that experience is what counts, and then you get the experience. Now they’re saying qualifications matter more. You earn those, but they decide that, actually, natural talent was the real measure all along.
They keep pushing the finish line farther away and acting like it was always there, simply because they’re intimidated. It’s okay to change your opinion, of course it is. But that change in standards shouldn’t keep happening just after you’ve met them.
They stop giving you information that would help you advance
There was a time when they would forward useful things and opportunities to you. Not anymore. You only find out important information after the deadline has passed, and that’s not an accident. It’s something workplace researchers call ‘knowledge hiding.’
In other words, they’re deliberately withholding information from you, even though it’s stuff that you could use. They’re jealous of you and trying to make the competition ‘fairer.’ At least, it’s fair in their eyes, it’s not right to hide information from someone who needs it.
They prefer you when you are asking for their help
You need something, and they’re happy. You ask for advice, and they sit with you for an hour, explaining the system or correcting your mistake. When you handle things yourself, however, that warmth is gone, and it’s like they’re unhappy you don’t need help. It’s not just a feeling.
Someone who’s intimidated by you likes being in the position where they know something that you don’t. That kind of status, where someone’s the helper, makes insecure people feel a little more comfortable. Some people like helping, some like being needed a lot more.
They discourage you using concern rather than criticism
It’s not like they directly criticize your ideas or anything. They’re not that brave. No, they choose to wrap up their critiques in concern by saying things like, ‘You could apply, but I’d hate to see you disappointed.’ They’ll mention the stress, or the risk, that sort of thing.
Being genuinely concerned is one thing. Being concerned only when it’s about an opportunity that could make you more successful is another thing. The truth is, they’re afraid of you becoming more independent and difficult to compete with.
They avoid being alone with you but are comfortable in groups
There are five people around, and this person’s friendly, but it’s a different story when it’s the two of you alone. Now they’re looking at their phone and cutting the conversation short. They’re unable to relax when it’s just the two of you.
It’s all because one-on-one time creates more direct attention, and there’s less room to hide behind the group. They prefer having other people around because they can create distance from you. They’re worried about messing up around you, simple as that.
They give you excessive reassurance you did not ask for
Pay attention to their reassurances. In particular, pay attention to their timing, because you might notice that they keep trying to assure you when you didn’t ask for it. They’ll make comments out of nowhere that they’re not jealous. They’ll stress how happy they are for you.
The thing is, they’re giving you a lot of reassurance for a problem that didn’t even exist. They’re trying to control the way you see their motives and character because they don’t want you to know the truth. That reassurance isn’t so comforting after all.
They mention their own weakness before you notice it
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You haven’t even looked at the work they want to show you yet. Still, they’re already giving you a dozen excuses about why it might be bad, such as them barely sleeping or misunderstanding the instructions. They’re telling you about any kind of weakness, really, before you spot it.
People who feel intimidated by you are trying to set up an explanation in advance, just in case their performance falls short. They don’t want you to point out their flaws. So, they’ll do it for you, and it helps them protect their image.
They struggle to give you a clean compliment
They might not even be able to give you a normal compliment. That’s too hard, apparently. No, they’ll compliment you with something attached to it, such as saying, ‘You’re doing well now.’ There’s a lot of emphasis on ‘now.’
It’s like they can only compliment you in a way that’s not quite clean and comes with strings attached. Saying something simply nice costs them a lot.
They avoid taking the seat directly beside you
Everyone chooses a seat, and this person doesn’t make a big performance of avoiding you. It just so happens that they’ve ended up in the chair opposite or they’ve sat two seats away, with a bag in between you.
True, some people prefer more room. But these kinds of people are comfortable sitting next to almost anyone else, it’s just you they have a problem with.
It’s because they feel uncomfortable being so close to you. They create physical distance so they can get some personal distance. They’re that intimidated.
Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.
11 things people say that quietly reveal jealousy
When we asked people to tell us about their experiences with jealous friends, coworkers and even family members, they gave us the little things they’d heard that made them realize someone was secretly envious.
