Family holidays are supposed to be a time for rejoicing in the company of those we love. However, this time of year can also be stressful or even downright tense. Old rivalries or different opinions can easily spark arguments. And if you’re hosting, it can be stressful on its own.
A little bit of planning and some thoughtfulness can do wonders for making your family holiday celebration more relaxed and enjoyable. Map out a plan, set some ground rules and keep people busy. Here are 12 ways to prevent family arguments this holiday season.
Planning conversation “checkpoints” to keep discussions light
Schedule in a few brief “check-ins” throughout the day. It’s almost as if you’re taking little breaks from the day and switching topics to easy conversation fodder. A brief memory, a silly incident or just something light to break the ice in the event of a tense moment.
Little detours to keep a conversation from getting on a topic that could get heavy before it has time to gather momentum. Pause to let people decompress, so the atmosphere in the room can lighten and everyone can have a good time.
Setting clear expectations about sensitive topics in advance
Politics, money, religion and other subjects can sometimes be touchy. Agreeing in advance to not discuss certain topics allows people to feel more at ease. When you establish clear boundaries from the beginning you can prevent misunderstandings and maintain friendly interactions.
Using neutral moderators
It is sometimes useful to have someone in the family who can stay neutral and direct the discussions softly. The moderator needn’t have any control; they only need to jump in if the conversation is about to veer into embarrassing areas.
Plan group fun to keep everyone focused on good times
Plan group activities, games, or cooking together. Having fun activities as a group can help people’s minds stay off conflict. It also encourages people to work as a team and laugh together.
Encouraging active listening and avoiding interrupting
Remind family members to listen before responding. Interruptions can make everyone feel unheard and disrespected. People are less likely to become defensive or start arguments if they feel heard.
Lightening the mood with humor
If the air is just a little tense, it might be okay to make a joke or crack a playful quip (it should never, ever be at someone’s expense). The right kind of humor can quickly put people at ease, bring on the smiles, and move everyone past a tense or awkward moment.
Planning polite exit strategies for heated discussions
Occasionally, despite our best intentions, conversations can get overheated. Planning polite exit strategies, such as taking a brief walk or spending a few minutes in another room, can keep arguments from getting out of control. It also allows everyone to cool down and return to the party refreshed.
Recognizing everyone’s efforts around the house and the table
Watch what’s going on: cooking, decorating or just pitching in where needed. A simple “thank you” or kind word, it makes people feel appreciated. Try to concentrate on the positive, not the little things that may bug you. Little words of gratitude can warm a room and make a day much more stress-free.
Creating phone or device etiquette rules
Phones are distracting and can sometimes cause mini-battles to ensue. Try creating easy rules for when and how devices can be used during the event. Perhaps they are put away during meals and check-in time. When people are engaged with each other, the day seems less frenzied and no one is left feeling overlooked.
Rotating responsibilities to avoid resentment
Rotating tasks or hosting duties can help prevent resentment from building up over time. No one will feel like they are doing all the work. Sharing the workload also helps everyone feel appreciated. This can foster cooperation and teamwork in families.
Setting limits on alcohol use and managing triggers
Watch your drinks and know your limits. Alcohol can make little annoyances feel much bigger than they are. If you sense things getting tense, step away or switch to a soft drink. Provide lots of non-alcoholic drinks, so people can pace themselves.
A little post-holiday reflection
When the decorations are all put away, take some time to sit down with a cup of tea and review how the day went. Perhaps a certain aspect went well, or maybe something was a bit frantic or pressured. A nice conversation with your team can help to reveal little details that can have a big impact.
