Family Secrets Unearthed: How One Person’s Search for Connection Led to the End of Two Marriages

Man looking distressed, with his arms crossed. Upset / sad.

Growing up without knowing your biological parents or family can be a painful and confusing experience.

This was the case for one man who recently shared his story of being the result of his parents’ extramarital affair.

The original poster (OP) states that his parents had spouses during their affair. After he was born, they decided not to get divorced. Instead, they opted to give the child to OP’s maternal grandparents.

The birth father has secretly paid child support without his wife’s knowledge, and OP’s siblings on the mother’s side were told that their grandparents adopted him.

After many years, now that OP is an adult, he decided to reach out to his biological father and siblings, which resulted in a shocking and hurtful response.

The father and birth mother asked to speak to OP over Skype, only to tell him they couldn’t risk staying in contact. They asked him to respect their wishes and move on with his life.

However, instead of doing that, OP contacted the birth father’s wife and shared screenshots of their conversations, leading to the wife filing for divorce. OP also told his siblings on the mother’s side about the birth father, causing upheaval in their lives and resulting in OP feeling guilty for hurting them.

Was OP Right in Revealing the Secret?

Many social media users commented on the post.

There was resounding agreement that the birth parents were at fault for keeping such a secret and that OP was not responsible for the consequences of their actions. Strangers felt that OP’s actions were justified given the hurt he had experienced by not growing up with his biological family.

One user, Barrel-Of-Tigers, wrote that the birth parents were the ones at fault for being “completely selfish” and that everyone deserved to see who they really were. The user felt that OP did not deserve to be told to go away or be hidden.

Resounding Agreement All Around

J4nos, Earafi, and Nynydancer agreed with Barrel-Of-Tigers and shared their thoughts.

J4nos said that the birth parents were “horrible, selfish people”.

Earafi said that the parents should have given the child up for adoption instead of giving him to the maternal grandparents. Adoption would have allowed OP to live a happy life with a family that loved them.

Nynydancer also agreed, saying,

“Who goes no contact on their own child? Only an a**h*le. That is a long secret to keep and if I was the wife of your father, I would be grateful to know. Likely, it wasn’t a happy marriage or she wouldn’t have divorced him for this alone. I think his trying to keep you a secret after all of these years was cowardly.”

Another user, Flamec4, said that the birth parents were “douchebags” who wanted to forget about their child and pretend that they did not exist. The user believed that the birth parents deserved everything that happened to them.

Others, like StopDoingThisAgain and Keanucordonbleu, felt that OP was not responsible for the consequences of his parent’s actions.

StopDoingThisAgain said, “You’re not responsible for the consequences of someone else’s shi**y actions.”

Meanwhile, Keanucordonbleu commented:

“…your parents are selfish. So many other options for them instead of just pretending like you don’t exist. If you don’t want your spouse to find out you cheated, how about not cheating?

“All you wanted was a little contact with family. They rejected you. Well, they don’t get to choose whether your half-sisters and brothers want to know you or not. Maybe sharing screenshots was not the right way to go, but honestly, if you keep such a huge secret from your spouse, you deserve to get found out eventually.”

The Parents Should Have Tried Harder To Keep the Secret?

Lonetraveler206 felt that sharing the screenshots was the right thing to do for OP, as it got rid of any misunderstandings or misrepresentations that could have happened.

“I know, one-on-one messaging is supposed to be private, but we’ve learned time and time again there’s no such thing as privacy online.

“If they wanted to cover it up so bad, they shouldn’t have put anything in writing.”

Shyinwonderland raised a very important question to the parents, saying.

“If they don’t want any contact, why not do a closed adoption with someone not in the family? It was only 17 years ago; it wasn’t an uncommon thing.

“They kept him in the family. They had to know the truth would come out.”

The Verdict

Overall, commenters were in favor of OP, with most feeling that OP was justified in his actions. Some users even hinted that the biological parents were doomed for this fate and were only denying the inevitable as they did not opt for a closed adoption.

The birth parents were certainly in the wrong for having an affair. Their wrong-doing compounded when they decided to hide OP’s existence from their families.

What do you think? Let us know in the comments. Do you think OP from the social media post was in the wrong?

Featured Image Credit: IgorVetushko /

This article originally appeared on Ash & Pri.

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Pri Kingston

Ash & Pri are the Founders of and have spent the last decade building their way towards financial freedom and a lifetime of memories. Having successfully achieved their early retirement goal in under 10 years, they look forward to sharing their financial sense with like-minded people. Read more about Ash & Pri in the 'About Us' section.