Father’s Day vs. Mother’s Day – A Battle of Expectations and Resentments

Portrait of unhappy young couple who have fallen out over a disagreement sitting on a sofa. Woman in the front and the man in the background.

In a recent post, a frustrated wife sought advice from the online community regarding a heated dispute that had arisen between her and her husband over their respective expectations for Mother’s Day and Father’s Day.

Let’s dive into the details of the original post and explore the ensuing discussion among various social media users.

Unwanted Gifts

The original poster (OP) , who is a 32 years old woman, explained that she and her husband had been together for nine years and had two children, aged 8 and 6.

On Mother’s Day, OP had expressed her desire for a “free day,” wishing her husband would take the kids out for the day so she could relax alone at home.

However, instead of fulfilling OP’s request, the husband surprised her with tickets for a fun day out with the whole family. While the outing was enjoyable, OP couldn’t shake off her disappointment, as OP’s husband seemed to have given her the complete opposite of what she had wished for.

When Father’s Day arrived, the husband expressed his wish for a free day as well, desiring to spend it gaming in his office.

OP, recalling how her husband already spent hours gaming with his friends after work, decided to surprise him and the children with cards for an arcade located an hour away, along with a substantial amount of tokens.

OP presented the gift during dinner on Saturday, intending for them to leave early the next day and spend the entire day playing games together. The result was that OP finally got her “free day” while the husband and their children had the opportunity to create lasting memories at the arcade.

However, a fight ensued between the couple once the kids went to bed.

The husband was angry that his wishes for Father’s Day were ignored, while OP was equally frustrated that he failed to acknowledge how he had done the same on Mother’s Day.

Since the argument, the husband has been giving her the silent treatment, refusing to accept her apologies.

Tit For Tat?

Many social media users weighed in on the situation, offering their own perspectives and advice.

User gruntbuggly responded to the original post, suggesting that the husband might be acting like a “petty child” because he expected to have both Mother’s Day and Father’s Day off. The user hinted at the husband’s need to recognize the symmetry between their situations and the importance of mutual understanding.

Another user, miladyelle, proposed a rather analytical approach. The user advised OP to create a graph comparing the two holidays, each partner’s desired day off, and what they actually received.

Then, the user suggested OP to do the following:

“Once you’re able to get him talking, you’re also going to have to discuss how it’s not appropriate to give your spouse the silent treatment, on top of the Not-Coolness of him acting like he’s the only human being with feelings that matter in your marriage.”

One user, bad-acid, expressed frustration on behalf of OP and criticized those who accused her of being petty.

The user argued that OP’s actions were a natural response to feeling mistreated and taken advantage of. The user further emphasized that Mother’s Day is a holiday in which the husband should actively participate, not just through planning or buying gifts, but by being present and allowing OP some respite.

The commenter urged the couple to engage in an open dialogue while stressing the husband’s responsibility in owning up to his actions.

User oldcreaker chimed in, highlighting the equality between OP’s actions on Mother’s Day and the husband’s on Father’s Day.

“Make up what to him? You got him basically what he got you. He got his “free day” on Mother’s day, you got your “free day” on Father’s day. You’re even.”

Davedank66_v2, self-identifying as a gaming addict, shared advice specifically regarding the husband’s gaming habits.

The commenter recommended,

“Start writing down the time he gets home and the time he starts and stops gaming. Do this for a good few weeks at least, you’re going to need more than just a day or two. Sit him down and tell him that for a long time you felt he spends more time gaming than he does with his family. Then show him.”

This approach aimed to shed light on the imbalance between gaming and family time, prompting the husband to recognize the impact of his addiction and work toward finding a healthier balance.

While the majority of the users sided with OP, there were still some users who thought OP could have done better to stop things from getting worse.

Arcxiii, for instance, advised OP to acknowledge her actions as petty revenge and explore the underlying reasons for her inability to openly communicate her feelings with her husband.

“Tell him why you did what you did, admit that it was petty revenge and talk about why you can’t openly talk to him about your feelings. You should own up to making a bad situation worse and you know now [that] two wrongs don’t make a right. I would probably ask him to start couples counseling together as this all sounds like you both have a lot of built up resentment of each other.”

The Verdict

The comments and perspectives shared by various users shed light on the complex dynamics at play within this couple’s relationship.

The husband’s desire for a day off on both Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, coupled with OP’s sense of being taken for granted, led to a clash of expectations and resentments.

While some users emphasized the need for open communication, mutual understanding, and equality in the relationship, others highlighted the husband’s responsibility in acknowledging his actions and addressing his gaming addiction.

Ultimately, the verdict was mixed, with opinions varying on the best course of action for the couple to mend their broken communication and restore their relationship.

What do you think? Let us know in the comments. Do you think the OP from this social media post was wrong?

Featured Image Credit: lucidwaters /Depositphotos.com.

This article originally appeared on Ash & Pri.

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Pri Kingston

Ash & Pri are the Founders of AshandPri.com and have spent the last decade building their way towards financial freedom and a lifetime of memories. Having successfully achieved their early retirement goal in under 10 years, they look forward to sharing their financial sense with like-minded people. Read more about Ash & Pri in the 'About Us' section.