Have you said something that doesn’t quite come out as you’d intended to a senior? It happens and happens more frequently than we might realize. Senior citizens deserve our respect and consideration. Whenever you are talking to a senior, try to select the right words if you want your conversation to feel warmer, more genuine or more respectful.
Here are 10 common expressions to avoid – and what to say instead – if you want to keep your conversation positive and meaningful when talking with the seniors in your life.
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“You’re Too Old for That”
This is ageism. Even older people want to try new things. They want to do what they love. Usually, it sounds like you are saying what they’re describing is not something they can do – that they’re thought of as less able.
Instead, try: ‘That sounds fun! How can I help?’ or ‘That sounds fun! What are some things you have to be careful about when doing this?’ You are saying you value what they want to do and that you don’t doubt that they can choose how they want to spend their time – but that you still want them to think through it carefully.
“You Wouldn’t Understand”
This phrase feels like a punch in the face. It communicates that they don’t know or can’t understand what you’re talking about. It can make them feel like they’re being excluded. Saying ‘Let me know if you have questions – I would love to explain’ invites them into the conversation and treats them as competent in learning.
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“Aren’t You Too Old for Social Media/Technology?”
If you see your dad learning how to use his new iPhone or your mother googling some important information, you’re likely dealing with older people who like technology and are making good use of it. So changing ‘you’re just too old for this’ to ‘if you have trouble with tech, just let me know’ is a way of respecting this interest and also telling them you’re there to help if they run into difficulties.
“You’re So Lucky to be Retired”
While it might sound like their dream come true, being retired isn’t always easy; a lot of retirees can feel a bit lost about what to do with their time. Perhaps following up with the question ‘What’s something you’re really into these days?’ can guide the conversation to discussing what brings them joy.
“Back in Your Day”
This phrase can read a little gloomy: ‘It’s all downhill from here.’ It’s depressing and as though their journey is over now. ‘I’d love to hear what it was like when you were my age.’ Rather than focusing on the downhill slope, this shows interest, respect and curiosity.
“You Look Great for Your Age!”
Even if you intend it as a compliment, it can be backhanded, as if you’re surprised that they look good for their age – it’s about whatever it is that goes along with age. A better, more straightforward compliment is ‘You look great!
“Let Me Do That for You” (Without Asking)
When you take the initiative to help without asking, the message you are subtly relaying is sometimes, ‘This might be a little beyond you to do on your own, so let me lend a hand.’ This will probably anger the person you are trying to assist, as they might feel you are treating them like a child. In many instances, a better approach would be to ask if you can help: ‘Can I help you with that?’ This is a gesture that respects their independence and ability – but also carries a nuance suggesting you are there to help.
“You Should Take It Easy”
That sounds condescending, implying they should slow down because they’re older. Lots of seniors are spry and energetic! A more appropriate perspective is ‘How are you feeling today?’ That demonstrates that you’re interested and that you care how they’re doing.
“You’re Just Getting Older” (In Response to Health Concerns)
Phrases such as this minimize the person’s health issues by attributing all their health problems to advancing age. Show them that you are interested in their wellbeing by saying: ‘You seem to have been under the weather lately. What’s going on with you?’
“You’re Not As Young As You Used to Be”
While this is physiologically true, a comment implying that they ‘aren’t as young’ can be unnecessarily discouraging, as though youth is the only time you can truly experience joy.
‘It’s nice to see you enjoying yourself!’ is a better response – positive focus is encouraging and encourages a perspective in which seniors do not constrain joy or enthusiasm due to age but feel free to enjoy life to the fullest extent possible.
Disclaimer: This list is solely the author’s opinion based on research and publicly available information.
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