The number one problem dating coaches see with men and dating is not what they do, but what they don’t do.
No sharp edges
Many guys hide their real opinions, keep their weird hobbies secretive or agree with everything a woman says just to be agreeable and non-threatening.
On a psychological level this causes instant mental decompression.
If you’re just mirroring her, you’re erasing your own identity. Studies have shown that people feel more comfortable and establish trust quicker with someone who politely disagrees on occasion because it shows that they are real.
Without any distinctiveness, you become utterly forgettable.
Wrong approach
Sitting across from someone going down a list of logistical questions (“Where did you grow up?”, “What do you do for work?” etc.) puts you both into states of mental fatigue.
You force her brain into autopilot mode, the same neurochemical state she experiences when answering emails.
Connection and attraction comes from emotions, playfulness and shared experiences, rather than exchanging professional qualifications.
When you grill her about her life story instead of fostering an enjoyable atmosphere, you’re running an interview, not a date.
Overdoing it
Try puffing up your status by name dropping, indirectly bragging about how much money you make, or excessively scripting dates to appear high-value and what you’ll attract are women who sense your profound insecurity.
Natural high-status behavior is silent, relaxed, and effortless. Whenever a man feels compelled to overtly display his value, women’s intuition senses that he is selling her something that he has to work hard to be.
Real men show high value through emotion control, calmness, and not coming across as desperate.
Friend zone panic
The moment a woman says friendship, guys typically freak out, feel rejected, and run for the hills.
Social network studies have found that this reaction is actually opposite of what you should do: Men with healthy, reciprocal female friendships experience significantly better dating success.
Women are your ultimate social connectors and vetted references. Burning that bridge by running at the first sign of “just friendship” tells her you weren’t interested in her for who she truly is.
Nervous energy
You can say all the things, but if your body language screams nervous energy, she’ll feel that through her nervous system.
Speed talking, filling every silence, bouncing around in your seat are subconscious behaviors that send neurosignals of fear. Your own anxiety can easily transfer to her, making her feel hesitant too.
A calm demeanor, measured speech, and comfort with quiet moments naturally convey an underlying sense of security.
Pen pal syndrome
Playing it safe by creating lengthy message threads won’t help your cause.
Without vocal nuances, gestures, or in-person presence, text chats miss crucial elements for sparking genuine chemistry.
The longer you text, the more likely she is to imagine a version of you that real life just can’t quite replicate. Asking her out within a few days of your first interaction shows confidence.
Always fixing
A woman tells you about her day or pours her heart out about a relationship problem. What does the average guy do? Offer solutions. Stop right there.
What you’re doing is emotionally distancing yourself from her. She’s not necessarily looking for a problem solver at that moment. She’s just seeing if you have the space in your heart to feel what she’s feeling.
If you jump right into ‘fix it’ mode, you shortchange yourself of an opportunity to connect and she’s likely to feel like you don’t understand her at all.
No originality
When you discover she’s into particular music, certain travel destinations, or strong viewpoints, dramatically changing yourself to mirror them will backfire.
Women can sense when someone doesn’t walk and act like themselves. Trying to morph into the person you think she wants you to be, only displays that you lack any real conviction.
Women prefer guys that stand strong in their own world.
Mind games
There’s a world of difference between genuinely being busy and intentionally making her wait for texts just to see her reaction.
Sure se*y, confident women hate needy guys. But most will lose respect for guys who play games because it shows a lack of emotional maturity.
If a woman picks up on game-playing or a lack of genuine interest, she’ll simply move on to someone who shows upfront, honest intentions.
Win/lose competition
Seeing dating like it’s some high stakes game where she holds all the cards (“veto power”)and you have to strong-arm your way in only makes things unpleasant.
When you approach her like someone you want to defeat or outsmart instead of someone you’d potentially like to partner up with, dates become more high-pressure than they need to be.
Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.
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