Each day, the people around us do harmful things that we might not realize are actually toxic, as these habits are just so common. Some of these behaviors could actually be forms of narcissistic abuse, which we often accept without realizing their true nature. Here are twenty disturbing behaviors that have been normalized but are actually signs of narcissistic abuse. Anyone who does them isn’t guaranteed to be a narcissist—but you might want to be a little wary of them.
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Constantly Interrupting Others
Some people simply can’t wait their turn to speak and constantly interrupt others in conversations, which is more than just being rude. Doing so is a pattern that makes sure they’re always the center of attention and cutting others off mid-sentence allows them to silence different viewpoints. This way, they’re able to make sure only their opinions are heard, with such a habit showing a lack of respect for other people’s thoughts. It also stifles open communication.
Belittling Others’ Achievements
Those who downplay or mock other people’s successes are doing more than mere teasing, which could include making sarcastic comments about a promotion or joking that an award wasn’t a big deal. Saying things like “Anyone could have done that” diminishes the effort that someone put in and these remarks chip away at the person’s accomplishment. Eventually, these comments make the other person feel less proud of what they’ve achieved.
Monopolizing Shared Resources
You might’ve noticed someone who grabs more than their fair share of communal items, whether at work or home. They might hoard office supplies or always take the best spot in shared spaces—either way, this behavior ignores other people’s needs. This kind of person prioritizes their own desires over everything & monopolizing shared resources helps them to assert control over the environment.
Frequent One-Upmanship
A narcissist always has a better story or accomplishment whenever someone shares, which isn’t simply being competitive. They might overshadow someone’s tale with their own, more impressive version, because they have a constant need to outdo others. As such, they’ll dismiss their experiences & redirect attention back towards themselves, which also makes other people feel undervalued.
Withholding Affection as Punishment
Withdrawing affection and becoming emotionally distant when you’re displeased is a subtle form of control—they might give the silent treatment or be cold without explanation. Rather than being moody, they’re trying to manipulate you into seeking approval from them and trying to fix the situation. Love & attention become conditional and this creates toxicity in relationships.
Taking Credit for Group Work
You should be wary of someone who constantly claims sole responsibility for a team’s success because they’re trying to ignore other people’s contributions. It could be as simple as them presenting group ideas as their own or failing to acknowledge teammates—whatever they do, they’re trying to take all the credit. They get praise for the work at the expense of other people getting recognized and such behavior creates resentment among team members.
Feigning Helplessness to Avoid Tasks
Many narcissists will pretend not to know how to do something to get out of responsibilities and it could be as simple as claiming, “I’m not good at that.” They want other people to handle the task and feigning helplessness helps them to shift burdens onto others—while avoiding effort themselves. It’s a manipulation tactic that gets other people to do more than their fair share.
Guilt-Tripping as a Manipulation Tactic
On the opposite side, some people are masters at making you feel guilty to get what they want, saying things like, “I guess I’ll handle it myself, even though I’m swamped.” Their goal is to get you to step in by pressuring you into acting out of duty, rather than willingness. As such, it’s a rather underhanded way to avoid any responsibility and could make you feel bad for just setting healthy boundaries.
Always Casting Themselves as the Victim
Some people always seem to be the victim, no matter the situation, and they’ll claim everyone is against them or that they never get a fair shake. They’ll constantly play the victim card as a way to dodge responsibility and soak up sympathy from other people. In doing so, people are manipulated into supporting the narcissist, even when this person is at fault.
Gaslighting by Denying Past Events
“Gaslighting” seems to be a popular phrase these days and it’s all thanks to narcissists, who like to pretend conversations or promises never happened. This makes you doubt your own memory and a narcissistic flat-out denies things you know were discussed, although they’re not simply being forgetful—it’s gaslighting. Acting like events didn’t happen helps these people to twist reality to control the situation & mess with your perception.
Using Flattery to Get Their Way
You might’ve noticed someone piling on the compliments when they need something and this is their attempt to butter you up—it’s not genuine. Instead, it’s a tactic they’re trying to use to make you more likely to agree to their requests & do them favors. They’re using kindness as a tool, not because they truly mean it, which is one of the biggest signs of a narcissist.
Sharing Your Secrets Publicly
These kinds of people just can’t keep things to themselves, and they’ll spill your personal stuff in front of others, no matter how many times you beg them not to. They’ll share secrets & touch on sensitive topics without checking if it’s okay as a way to embarrass you—or keep you in check. Airing private details in this way clearly shows that they don’t care about your boundaries and it makes you feel exposed.
Expecting Perfection While Excusing Themselves
One of the things that makes speaking to narcissists so difficult is that they constantly demand perfection from you but give themselves plenty of leeway. For example, they’ll expect you to nail every task flawlessly while they overlook their own slip-ups and this double standard keeps you chasing approval that never comes. It makes you more stressed and as though you’re never good enough.
Disrespecting Your Personal Time
Some people simply won’t respect your downtime and they’ll call or message you nonstop with non-urgent requests, even when you’re off work or spending time with family. These people insist on getting immediate attention and doing so shows that they believe their needs trump your well-being. It’s a blatant disregard for personal boundaries that makes it rather difficult to relax.
Giving Backhanded Compliments
You’ve probably heard those “compliments” that don’t quite sit right, with things like, “You look great today—for a change,” or “Your presentation was good, considering you’re new at this.” Narcissists make remarks like this so that they’re able to sneak an insult under the pretense of praise. Doing so chips away at your confidence and likely prevents you from having anything to respond with.
Making Decisions Without Your Input
It’s likely that you’ve had to deal with someone who makes choices that affect everyone without asking, such as changing plans last minute or deciding what the group will do without any discussion. This shows they don’t value others’ opinions and want to keep control of everyone else, which makes everyone feel frustrated. It makes it seem like your voice doesn’t matter to anyone.
When They Push You to Open Up About Personal Stuff
It’s horrible having to talk to someone who just won’t stop bugging you to share your thoughts on sensitive topics like politics or religion. No matter how much you try to steer the conversation elsewhere, they keep circling back and such behavior crosses a line. They’re pressuring you to reveal personal beliefs in a way that ignores your comfort zone & allows them to challenge or control you.
The Perpetual Latecomer Who Doesn’t Apologize
We all know that person who’s always late but never says sorry and they’ll walk in, totally unfazed, while everyone else has been waiting. Behaving in this way throws off plans while also showing a lack of respect for other people’s time. It’s as if they think their schedule matters more than anyone else’s and, in all honesty, that’s rather disrespectful.
Shifting Blame to Avoid Responsibility
There’s always someone who is unable to admit when they’ve screwed up—so they point fingers at everyone else, even though they’re the one who has messed up a project. They’ll blame you for not helping enough and deflecting like this helps them dodge accountability. It also creates unnecessary tension because such behavior is rather frustrating & unfair, making you defensive over something that wasn’t your fault to begin with.
Not Taking “No” for an Answer
Have you ever told someone “no,” but they just keep pushing? They might badger you, try to change your mind, or ignore your response altogether—whatever they do, they completely refuse to accept your decision. It’s rather disrespectful because everyone has the right to make their own choices without being pressured or made to feel guilty for sticking to them.
Disclaimer: This list is solely the author’s opinion based on research and publicly available information.
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